Cool~

I caught sight of this while looking at older posts of xiao ti... Nice name! Muahahaha...

My authentic japanese name is 石丸 Ishimaru (round stone) 翼 Tsubasa (wing).
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Since someone complained that my questions were limited thus resulting in him getting low marks... I shall make another one...


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A Different Feeling

I know I've abandoned my blog for the longest time possible! I know you guys have been asking this question, "your blog never update one!" over and over again. Okay Okay! I'll do it this instance!!!

I've been having mixed feelings lately, I don't know why... To think back, Meiling has already left Mus'art about a year, I refused to believe the fact that she has lost interest in band playing at that time... I couldn't accept it, I just couldn't... I didn't want to have the thought of her abandoning me but I just couldn't help having that kind of "played out" mentality.

It was definitely not her fault to leave that place and I understood how she felt at that time... I would have done the same thing if I were her... It actually took me sometime to face and accept reality that she will never ever come back again when WMC 2009 ends...

At that point of time, travelling seems to be the most excruciating part of the journey... There was simply no one to talk to... I felt very lonely at the time... It's very hard to get over someone whom you have gotten so used to... and suddenly, you have to live without it...

I missed the days how I used to wait for her to come down from her house like ALL the time, how we always go band practices really early do have brunch and self practices, how we often have late night talks after band practices with the rest and more late night talks reaching home, how we travelled in that idiotic 187 and "shake" all the way to and fro Mus'art...

Playing in Mus'art used to be one of the things I've enjoyed doing, it was a happier place in the past... but you can't expect everything to stay there intact and not change?!

And so for the first few months, I started to take a different route suggested by Tim before he went to Hawaii... As the months continued, I got used to the feeling of travelling alone... I didn't know how to describe the feeling at that time... but it seems that I've moved on the moment I choose to take that "route".

There was this time when dumb conflicts (I wouldn't even consider it as conflicts, more like children's bickering) in Mus'art irritated the hell out of me... I was so tired at that time, what I wanted was just to play music and not experience that aura of "unhappiness" in the band... I nearly had the urge to leave Mus'art and stop playing as there was nothing left for me to cherish... Nevertheless, I still stayed on aimlessly not knowing what to do... Stupid right?

Things started to change when Tim came back, I was so happy and glad that he was back in Singapore again! I was thankful that I got to know nice people like Xiao Ti & PK through him.

I knew Xiao Ti like WAY~~~ long ago when he came to Mus'art with ZiXian, but we were only acquaintance back then... I didn't even know he existed when we played the CNL concert together (I was so young then, 16+ okay?), the "terrifying" thing is that he was already in Mus'art for the "New York" concert! I think my eyes must have "tut ALOT of stamps" back then, perhaps I have selective vision + memory... Hehe... My first impression of Xiao was that he was very "DAO" and serious looking kind of person coz of his big head and "intellect" spectacles, cannot play play with him one... Ya... *eyes rolled*, but little did I know it was not what I expected of him! It was totally different! He is one crazy guy! (cannot praise too much or else he will fly to the skies) Hah!

PK's a really nice girl... Funny & random! She even plays the piano! I always wanted to learn it... PK! I saw your comments! I have sharp eyes! But I'm a noob in blogging... Maybe someone can help me to insert a nice looking tag board... wahaha... Erhem... *Hinting to the IT pro who showed me his works*

I felt that I knew Tim even better over these past few months... We were always so "polite" with each other back then... but it's so different now... haha... We can voice out our opinions and bitch with each other about our lives... Hahaha!

Now, I feel happier going to Mus'art... There's something for me to look forward to in the practices to come... "It is to meet up with them..." :)

PROJECTS! I HATE YOU!

I'm leaving in the slums of an island named 'Projects'. It's killing me day by day... Please save me from this misery!!!! :(

Quiz

I took a mini quiz online on what instrument I should learnt, and it turn out that guitar was the most compatible!!! Kinda wierd isn't it... Haha...

You Should Play the Guitar
You're very independent - both in spirit and in the way you learn.You can teach yourself almost anything, even if it makes your fingers bleed.You're not really the type to sit patiently through a music lesson - or do things by the book.It's more your style to master the fundamentals and see where they take you.Highly creative and a bit eclectic, you need a wide range of music to play.You could emerge as a sensitive songwriter... or a manic rock star.Your dominant personality characteristic: being rebelliousYour secondary personality characteristic: tenacity

The explanation they gave is really quite true! But I need to start learning my piano first! :)

Back From Taiwan!

Well, in case anyone didn't know... I just came back from Taiwan! An interesting place to travel. (though once is enough) Travelled quite a number of places in just 6 days... Scenery was great plus delicious food(yum!)... Uploading images is an irritating chore so I selected a few pictures only.

Here's the little glimpses of scenic areas I've travelled in Taiwan!

~Emo picture of myself~ ~Picture with my good brother Timo~

Something I've always wanted to eat since age of 9... At last, wish granted!

Guan Cai Ban & XXL Chicken Cutlet!

Guess how much all this food cost? Approximately S$15 only!!! A point to emphasize, we ate this at Xi Men Ting... 3 of us managed to finish all the food coz we were dead hungry at that point of time...

I ate this japanese food at the basement foodcourt of Sing Kong Department Store. It's damn nice and it cost S$6 only... Finding such an affordable and huge portion food in Singapore???

Well~~~~

IN YOUR DREAMS!

If you went Taiwan 101 and did not go up to the observatory tower at 91st floor, you have missed the main attraction in Taiwan coz that's the BOMB! We spent 2 hours there! Words can't be described how I felt there... As it started to drizzle, the winds were blazing furiously causing the clouds to swirl like a whirlpool/cyclone... I was literally touching the clouds at that time... Quite cool eh??? It's a once in a lifetime experience!

This picture was edited with the help of technology, we paid to made this... It was worth it... Picture looks great!

~AT HUALIEN~

We took the "tutu" train to hualien and spent a day there... The hotel was great!!! We were lucky in a sense that when we arrived, there was this stranger tour guide that sort of "force" us into hiring him... We needed the help and thus obliged to his offer...

It was quite scary because we went straight to Taroko Valley without checking our luggages into the hotel... There were times we felt uneasy because the tour guide left us at some scenic spot to take pictures while he stayed in his car... Imagine the situation of him abandoning us in the mountains while driving our luggages away at the same time... That's some serious shit... However, it turn out that he was a very honest tour guide... We were too worried about our belongings getting stolen and sort of build up a barrier against him.

After 5-6 hours of sight-seeing... We went back our hotel and continued to walk around Hualien... As we cabbed down to the mega shopping centre at Hualien. (which was about 6 floor only + short ceiling... I can simply push the ceiling cover up just by doing a light jump) The lady cab driver was the best driver I've met... She was so informative and polite... So much for putting so much effort for promoting GEMs services in Singapore, that lady simply nailed any service provider in Singpaore... That was how good she was... Thanks to her, I tasted the BEST Steam Dumplings, Soup Dumplings and Xiao Long Bao! It was DAMN NICE and SUPER cheap!!! Each Xiao Long Bao cost only S$0.20! Can you believe it!!!!!

All those Teck Kee Bao, Tiong Bahru Bao... Shoo~~~ Get lost... They are not half as nice as compared to what I've ate in Hualien... Just the thought of it makes me drool...

On the 5th day, we were back at Taipei... Got the chance to met up with TT's cousin... Very nice ppl... This is TT's nephew!!! Damn adorable and clever and naughty... hahaha....

And lastly, I love ice creams!

Work

So many things have happened in the past 3 months... feels like a piece of puzzle lost in my memory bank.

TCC
After 2 long years, I've marked an end to work-life in TCC. I was actually quite surprised feeling nothing leaving this place; no sense of yearning. Instead, it felt like a burden that was freed from my shoulders.

In the past, I would've imagined having an emotional separation during the last day of work. Sadly, RX has changed so much, so much that I was forced to leave that place. Perhaps it was a good time to leave. The staff have changed, the working environment have changed and so did the work culture.

The only regret I had was being unable to bid farewell to the colleagues I missed, especially Damien... hope he's doing well now.

BMC
Well, I got in this company thanks to Weeleng, the pay is WAY better than TCC. Its not physically exhausting as compared to TCC and its just 7 minutes walk from my house, what's better than a work place that is so near your house! The job scope is totally different from what I've learnt in TCC. Great exposure for me. Will continue to earn more extra cash for myself in the meantime since I get commissions too. :)

UOB BANK
I managed to get through the interview during the CSC stopover, which is good for me as I get to gain experience NYP can't provide me with. I've learnt so much in just this 2 months. In two days time, I will be leaving UOB... Will miss all the great and caring colleagues that helped me along the way. Thank You everyone! Not to forget my friends that struggled together with me in this entire UOB experience. Thank You Xiong Xiong, Iggy, Audrey & Stacy!

And now, back to find my friends in NYP!!! I'm coming back!

Tired

There's alot of problem Mus'art is facing this instant... Its dealing more internal damage than it looks visibily on the outside... I don't want to spent my weekends listening to argument and disagreements. I just want to play my instrument, play music.

I should be "congratulating" them by capturing my love for music, then they crumpled it up, threw it in the dumpster and piss on it, then they took it out from that dumpster, raped it, aborted it, cook it in the stew and fed it back to me. I'm just being honest, I can't take it anymore...

Being Ignorant

I'm always ignorant when its comes to other people's issue... to put it bluntly, I know nothing... Even if you yourself know that its about not doing it again, not making the same mistakes, how many chances will you be given from people telling you mercifully not to make the same mistakes again when you yourself already know what's done cannot be undone?

So what if there's regret? So what if there's resentment? Is there a definite answer to this? I've already made enough mistakes...

Emptiness... Abyss...

Well, there's a saying that people get pessimistic at night... and true it is.... I always felt vulnerable at night... Many thoughts lay deep intact in my mind as if there were no control... My mind seems to be "spearing" into different thousands of directions pondering on things that doesn't provide me with an answer... I don't know why I felt this way... Perhaps the holidays have kept me idle thinking on nonsensical stuff...

Sometimes, I just felt like a fool... Why can't I just let myself free from my thoughts as it were never belonged to me? Why??? Why can't I be a "replica" of myself looking at the real me in other people's perspective? The other "me", the "replica" that possesses different attributes, thoughts and behaviour...

My complex thoughts often result me in late night sleeps... I realised that I am someone who hardly gets satisfied... Greedy you may say... I always felt empty when I got hold of something I've longed for... perhaps it was the process of attaining the specific item that seemed so "endearing" and intriguing... The ecstasy that leads to the rush of my adrenaline... the thrill... the surge of aroused feelings... Well... am I being a bitch...

I must learnt to get through my negativity... I hate the negative me... "You can't have the best of both ends of the world," Tirmidzi's words sure is enlightening... Guess I have to work towards obtaining a relaxed soul and a calm mind...

Chance

I was browsing through the net a moment ago... Happen to find Brenden's blog and so I took a peek at it. As I glimpsed through his blog, I saw his last post where he depicted his dilemma of giving up playing the oboe... Viola! Same sentiments as Meiling & me...

We are so busy and tired of our current lives... Imagine the amount of opportunity costs that were sacrificed just to attend the practices on Sundays. We could have done so much things then...

On the otherhand, we were lucky to have given the chance to continue this path towards music... I could still remember vividly what happened 3 years ago... Me and Ml were chosen out of the 4 to play with Mus'art... this leaves destroying the hopes of the rest... As harsh as it may seem to be, reality it is... Hopes were dashed... Moods were dampened...

I suppose everything happened for a reason... Perhaps we are just a mainequin manipulated by some unknown to experience the world of feelings...

-Serenity-

OMG!!! I wonder when was the last time I've actually blogged! Have been so hung up with Poly life this few months... I'm glad that projects have finally come to an end. The anxiety and stress one could take when working in time constraint, it's just plain CRAZY!

I've come out of my comfort zone taking up the role as a leader in most of the projects this semester. The only thing I could say was... I HATE IT!

I hate it when group members give me crap work!
I hate it when group members can't prioritise what is most important to them!
I hate it when I need to cover their incompetence!
Sometimes, it just hits me... "how on earth did this people get to scrap through all this shit without even getting hurt on the way?" well, beats me...

On the brighter side, I should be lucky that I manage to get through these... phew... its peace now... I'm able to get enough rest, but I can't seem to be able to switch to "relax" mode... I suppose this is the aftermath effect... Feel so out of place now.... So many things undone...

''Delinquent'' Duo

Well, it has been quite a while since I update my last post... Today, I shall talk about people who emulates my own behaviours.

To touch on about having the same egoist, attitude and inner thoughts, I have Lewis there with me... Haven't been talking to him for quite some time even though he is sitting right beside me during practices. I'm not sure why, but I just sense this very intense barrier between us as though he didn't want to talk or perhaps its me being over-sensitive again... It does bother me to think of it...

Now, let us talk about having the same habits... for me, this is rather an isolated topic to talk about because it just shows how eclectic I am. Despite the fact, I always believed that there is another odd-ball who happens to have habits comparable to me... and she's no other than Miao Ling... Here's the list of habits we've found in common during our conversation considering the fact we did not even plan the lunch at all... Fate's doing...

*Credits to Miao's blog*

1) No egg yolks

2) Hate seafood except fish (no salmon please)

3) No internal organs of animals

4) Chicken is the best, beef is alright

5) Towel we use must not be too rough or smooth and it must be able to absorb a significant amount of water.

6) Only Sunkist orange

7) Only green grapes

8) Eating sweet stuff after a meal

9) 3 different types of cleansing product. Hair, Face and Body

10) Cleaning toilet bowl seats before use even though its clean

Ever since that incident, we found more similarities along the way as we questioned each other, brings us back to contemplate if we are related somehow... Haha... A picture we took yesterday...

What is LOVE?

Started work on friday immediately after exams, have lost touch of work ever since the 3 weeks study+exam break but that wasn't the whole point though... Recieved alarming news that Tim's leaving which kinda drops my motivation to continue work by a noch... I know he will fight for his position to stay at RX... today's the judgement day whether he leaves or continues to stay...

Was having a little chat with ''deprived one'' regarding ''what is LOVE?'' because she overheard customers talking about the latter... She related the customer's answer to me and I found it rather amusing, my eyes were rolling away by then... It's about ''giving what you have unconditionally'' WOW! That's the cliche-est answer I've ever hear.

To me, ''LOVE'' is somewhat similar to the defintion of ''NEED'' which I've learnt in Marketing... ''Need'' is a state of felt deprivation including physical, social and individual needs... and so, all you need to do is replace the first word with ''Love''... and it compliments very well with the rest of the sentence... e.g. of physical needs are... (I shall skip on that) e.g. of social needs are affection and e.g. of individual needs are the desire to be loved by someone... though my perspectives may be cynical and crude, it's so true that you can't even deny it.

Guess I'll have to end my sentence and go for work now... till then...

Chinese New Year

I really hate to say this, but I think I really hate Chinese New Year, things just got worse every year... I hate to be bounded by family issues where it doesn't concern me... but, I just can't seem to stop myself from stepping into the situation... I can't stand it... It just got to a point where I found it rather meaningless, to make it more sickening, exams are just round the corner... I don even have the slightest mood to celebrate new year... what's the point of all this???

Still Clinging On...

I'm literally 'sandwiched' with all the things that have been pending... Hate to keep projects intact where I could just finish them all at once, but everyone knows that its impossible though. Am still working hard to keep up with the tight schedule... Work hard BIN!!!

Finding it hard to believe that I actually spent 5 hours just to finish up my idiotic no-brainer statistics tutorial... Felt relieved after surviving through the last question as I was falling asleep.(1am in the morning) My back ached like hell after that... must have been all the 'lying' habits I have for doing homeworks, felt better when Timo gave me a massage on the back this morning...

Concert's coming, kinda excited as I would be playing quite a few solos for this one. Hope I won't screw up. * especially yamato* Desperately need to improve my tone and skills in Euphonium playing but I just can't seem to squeeze the time out! I wished I could stand at a corner, hat in hand and beg people to give me all their wasted hours. Someone, SAVE ME~~~

~Vulnerabilities~

Haven't been updating my blog for quite sometime ya... New years' coming... I wonder why time seems to trigger faster each year? Before you even notice it, you are already watching 2006 back in history. I'm kinda lost track of time, lost track of things that's happening around me. I no longer care as much as I had in the past... Perhaps this is what I've learnt this year, not to stick my butt in other people's business. Learnt to put yourself ahead of others in need of times...

Being in any form of relationship requires one to be truthful, but there's always a limit a person can go... Everyone has their own secrets, especially the dirty ones... A fine young-looking man can actually turn out to be a cunning wolf, you will be oblivious until you see them at their state of vulnerability and desperation. Characteristics are just like colours, they come in different shades, from a viewers perspective, one can be classified as a mixture of blue and green but who knows that the person actually comes in a vast range of colours?!

After writing my thoughts, the point I'm coming to is that we humans are easily affected by our emotions. We tend to let our emotions run wild even before our rationality starts to awake us. Upon saying that, my resolution for next year is to stay strong and handle my emotions well! Sometimes, I wish I could be as tough as the lead actress in 'My Girl', the way she lies and denies the truth just to help others, her thick-skinned personality and lastly, her formidable skills at suppressing her feelings. Its almost close if I'm going to compare her with a robot, the complexity of emotions one can take at a single blow, its just like surviving in a living hell! I can't bear to watch a person suffer like this, makes it excruciating to even look at it. I would choose to offer the person the liberty to take a direct hit from the train to end his/her miserable life instead. (current suicide trend)

Okay now, enough of my jokes now... I shall end here, Night my fellow mates... A good year it shall be!!! (I hope)

P.S. I'm discovering more similarities with him... I'm ''lamed.''

^Mimic^

How does it feel to see someone who talks like you or even seems as close as a reflection of your thoughts through the mirror? Scary isn't it? Well, I kinda met one though... I shall observe quietly in the meantime...
Was standing infront of the balcony feeling the night breeze... The breeze was refreshing, it really brings back fond memories... I wish I can have another trip soon...

-Just My Luck-

This week is by far the worst week I've ever had... I must have done something seriously wrong to have deserved this...
I was sick this week... Got screwed by customer on Wednesday when I don't even know where my mistake lies in... Humiliated by lecturer on Friday in the lecture hall when its not even my fault... Broke a glass and cut my hand on Saturday working as a barista... How much worse can things get... Haiz... I think someone must have been casting a curse on me... Never been this unlucky before... Blame it on my luck...