~Vulnerabilities~

Haven't been updating my blog for quite sometime ya... New years' coming... I wonder why time seems to trigger faster each year? Before you even notice it, you are already watching 2006 back in history. I'm kinda lost track of time, lost track of things that's happening around me. I no longer care as much as I had in the past... Perhaps this is what I've learnt this year, not to stick my butt in other people's business. Learnt to put yourself ahead of others in need of times...

Being in any form of relationship requires one to be truthful, but there's always a limit a person can go... Everyone has their own secrets, especially the dirty ones... A fine young-looking man can actually turn out to be a cunning wolf, you will be oblivious until you see them at their state of vulnerability and desperation. Characteristics are just like colours, they come in different shades, from a viewers perspective, one can be classified as a mixture of blue and green but who knows that the person actually comes in a vast range of colours?!

After writing my thoughts, the point I'm coming to is that we humans are easily affected by our emotions. We tend to let our emotions run wild even before our rationality starts to awake us. Upon saying that, my resolution for next year is to stay strong and handle my emotions well! Sometimes, I wish I could be as tough as the lead actress in 'My Girl', the way she lies and denies the truth just to help others, her thick-skinned personality and lastly, her formidable skills at suppressing her feelings. Its almost close if I'm going to compare her with a robot, the complexity of emotions one can take at a single blow, its just like surviving in a living hell! I can't bear to watch a person suffer like this, makes it excruciating to even look at it. I would choose to offer the person the liberty to take a direct hit from the train to end his/her miserable life instead. (current suicide trend)

Okay now, enough of my jokes now... I shall end here, Night my fellow mates... A good year it shall be!!! (I hope)

P.S. I'm discovering more similarities with him... I'm ''lamed.''

^Mimic^

How does it feel to see someone who talks like you or even seems as close as a reflection of your thoughts through the mirror? Scary isn't it? Well, I kinda met one though... I shall observe quietly in the meantime...
Was standing infront of the balcony feeling the night breeze... The breeze was refreshing, it really brings back fond memories... I wish I can have another trip soon...

-Just My Luck-

This week is by far the worst week I've ever had... I must have done something seriously wrong to have deserved this...
I was sick this week... Got screwed by customer on Wednesday when I don't even know where my mistake lies in... Humiliated by lecturer on Friday in the lecture hall when its not even my fault... Broke a glass and cut my hand on Saturday working as a barista... How much worse can things get... Haiz... I think someone must have been casting a curse on me... Never been this unlucky before... Blame it on my luck...

Scapegoat

What the hell... I can't believe why some people are so irresponsible... Can't they just account for the things they have done? Its all up to the person's decision to contact whoever it is no matter how urgent the matter is... When you are committed to something, stay firm with it... Its not like a playground where you can come and play, have fun and leave when you have played till your hearts' content... I've no idea why I should be the scapegoat when its not my fault in the first place... Damn it...

~My Tribute To Michael~

Well, as everyone can see... We have have another person parting with us, and this time... Its Michael... Haiz... I really don't understand why separation always seems inevitable. Coming to the society to work has always been an eye-opener for me, but I really hate it when I see people leave... It really hurts... And it hurts deeply...

It seems that words can't describe how I felt when I have to talk to Michael during his last few moments in RX. I can't bear to see him go... Someone whom I really respect a lot... The way he carries himself... His abilities to keep bond between the chefs as well as us working on service line.

It is always fun working with him... He cracks lame and dirty jokes in front of us... I can NEVER forget the time when I talked to him and he gave a really loud fart in front of me... It was so hilarious... hehe... In the kitchen, he would always give either a strict or a faceless kind of expression. I pity Mason sometimes when he executes mistakes... Michael would flare up and scold him or toss food/utensils into the basin when he is angry at him. However, there is always a kind of mutual understanding between us and the chefs even though both sides screw up at certain occasions.

I'm really happy for him for getting this far, when I first joined TCC, he was only a Commis 1, after that he was promoted to Junior CDP and now to a full-fledged CDP. He really deserved the promotion! This picture was taken during his last day at RX.
BEFORE AFTER



Funny isn't it... lol.... I guess this is the last time I'm going to see this kind of things happening again... haiz... Nevertheless, Michael... All the best in your endeavours!!! I know you can do it... Passion drives in and excels on work tasks...

Taken For Granted

Now I'm back to work contributing more time means I'm exposing myself to more mistakes... Don't get me wrong, it's not mistakes from work tasks but complications on human relation. :)

I was somewhat offended by Erin when she questioned me regarding the schedule I'm giving next week. I wrote Mon 9-5, Tue Anytime, Wed before 7, Thur 9-5 and Fri Anytime. It hit me when she asked why I could not work night and I told her I did give 'Anytime' for Tue and Fri. After that, she began to ask for the remaining days why I couldn't and I felt ridiculed!

1) She is NOT the one doing the schedule, it's Tim who does it.
2) I am not obliged to tell her my commitments after my work.
3) Why is she not asking the rest of the staff for the schedule when they have finished their exams too.
4) The way she questioned me regarding my schedule seems to be telling me that I MUST work closing shift for the outlet.
5) I am a part-timer, my work time is FLEXIBLE for god's sake.

Second issue, It was normal crowd in RX and everything was fine. Erin offered to help Yunz to wash cups and so she went leaving me by myself outside to overlook the situation. I was alright with it because it was still manageable. When the crowd started to disperse, I carried the cups and plates to Erin and she started to complain that the drinks needed to wash are never-ending. At this point of time, I'm irritated again! If you want to help someone, please DO NOT COMPLAIN about it, it was YOU who chose to help so there's no room for argument or complain. I kinda told her something which was politically incorrect, this is what I said, '' you choose to help her in the first place, '' this sentence defintely irritated her.
I know I do not have the right to tell her this but it just spilled right out of my mouth so, KOMENASAI!!!

Now, I shall explain why this is an issue again,
1) Yunz can manage herself in the bar, its not a slam or something.
2) At that point of time, operation outside is more important than what is in the bar area.

Third issue, before going back home, she told me I've ALWAYS been complaining about the music in the outlet the WHOLE time. I told her I've only mentioned it once when she was infront of me, and so to her, ALWAYS=WHOLE=ONE RIDICULOUS TIME!? Wow, what an equation! After that, she told me I kinda offended Starkey because the time I was complaining, Starkey was infront of me. I felt sorry and messaged Starkey immediately to apologise to him, issue settled...

Phew... This happened during my second day of work and I'm already starting to complain. SHIT! I just hope the remaining days would be smooth-sailing as it goes...

''At this point of time, It's not about impressing someone but to maintain a good job on the things you are doing right now.'' This is a quote SOMEONE told me, you should know who you are. ;) This really applies to Erin, I think she is really trying too hard impersonate someone who isn't herself. Haiz... I hope she understands it... someday... (REALLY HOPE)

Well, it's none of my business anyway! I'm just gonna WORK! WORK! WORK! My band would be heading to Japan next year!!! Can't wait for it to come...

P.S. Starkey, sorry again ya!

Utter Disappointment

I'm dying out of utter disappointment... I don't see the mistake of me helping out Wati when she needs one desperately... I told Erin I can't work this week because I need to study for my exams, but from past experiences, even though I'm in Poly or busy with other stuffs, I never fail to replace anyone for work unless it really clashes with my schedule. If anyone in the outlet would call me, and I happen to have the time to spare, I will definitely try my best to help... I don't think anyone appreciates my help in the outlet... Sacrifices I have made just to help cover other people from MC... No one sees it... no one will ever see it...

I'm so disappointed with Tim, I don't see a need of him making a big fuss in the outlet of me going to help Wati at Funan... It's so coincident that there were 2 people on MC in RX and Wati needs my help so I went to help her because I was free at that time... I'm not just doing a favour for Wati, its out of pure friendship... Moreover, I'm replacing Suzy, not any Tom, Dick or Harry... No one from RX called me to see if I'm free to help... no one... so how am I suppose to know that RX needs people...

I don't care what other people sees in me, my loyalty still goes to RX... Its the outlet where I learnt, laugh, joke and cry... Its my first outlet... I can't bear to leave RX yet...

I'm so disapponted right now... Really am....

*Busybody*

What do you do when two of your good friends end up in an argument?

Do you...

Option 1, sit still like a conniving little bitch watching how situation worsens

or...

Option 2, be the ''little angel'' to resolve the conflict?

Well, I was met with this situation and chose the latter

Its really difficult to encode, channel and decode what other people are trying to say. Firstly, you've got to think ahead of them, make sure whatever comments they are going to made wouldn't have any impact on anyone. You must be able to stand at a point of neutrality inorder to channel information from both sides in your brain. Lastly, you decode the information given to you and conclude whose in the wrong. After that, you will try to be tactful and talk sense to the person who has made the mistake.

As you try to convey your message to the targeted audience, they bound to get defensive, and in the end, whose in the losing end? YUP, the Busybody which is ME! Some people just don't understand that words are such powerful tools that can even thrust deeper than a knife. If they are unable to realise or admit their own mistakes, they'll learn it the hard way...

What goes around, comes around... You pay for the rightful amount of consequences upon the mishaps you showered on other people... It's a balance in life ;3

~Opportunities~

Its been few months since I abandon my blog at the isle of the damned, now I'm back!!! So many things have happened and I don't even know where to start.

First of all, I would like to congratulate Mus'art for getting 1st prize in the competition again. It came as a shock as we didn't really did well on the stage. Well, nerves get in our way and the next thing you would find yourself realising is.... playing a wrong note, an extra note or even a mispitch in the notes. To put it in a shorter and more crude manner, I classified it as *SCREW UPS*

I happen to read on the comments given by the judges, (inclusive of the foreign ones) the scores already concluded how subjective they were, some can actually mark us up to high 90s while others can bring us down to low 70s. Judges are humans too, can't expect them to be equipped with the same mindset of thinking. Haiz... Anyway, its going to be another busy week for me, National Day Dinner performance plus Beautiful Sunday concert at the Esplanade. I have to tackle so many solo parts and guess what, only 1 practice before the concert starts!!! *Hope I won't screw up*

Recently, Jeff asked me if I wanted to work at Medicorp, still considering on the job... If I'm in, I would be working as a Singapore Idol back stage crew, not bad ha... Would be able to see Hady live on stage performing... His my idol man! *drool* Anyway, back to reality... Issac has resigned from TCC. Suzy, Fang Chew and Wati transferred to Funan and lastly Nana to OMB... I guess that's all... New people are coming in, I hope they are able to help RX and not bring RX down... I'm placing hopes on the new managers and staff, can't rely on ***... You guys should know who I'm talking to. :P

Coming to work has become more dreadful nowadays, seeing the people I don't want to see, working with the people I don't want to work with... What the hell!? Despite the fact, I'm still glad Damien, Bren, Yun, Shawn & Gim Wei are still here... Was really touched by the way Shawn worked, I can't seem to remember who helped me in work tasks ever since Sharon and the others were gone. The new staff are only doing what they are allocated, they show no initiative in their work, they don't help others if they finished theirs and will idle around until specific instructions are given by someone... I don't know what's becoming with the staff that's coming in RX... I just hope someone worthy would bring RX back to the way it was or perhaps improve on the current situation... We need MANPOWER!!!! What's wrong with the higher management level at TCC??? Can't they just dig someone from the grave or something???

Haiz... I'm so tired... Will update more on the way... this is only part of what I'm experiencing. Till then...

P.S. Sorry Wati, wasn't able to witness your departure at RX... We chill out next time ya...

Monochrome - Memories of the past

It feels wonderful to sit down, relax and do nothing at home... I'm so busy or should I say I'm keeping myself busy these days... It seems that many people have their own problems. I have my own problems too but I'm learning to deal with it...

I felt so much better now comparing the week I spent before... Guilty for bringing my emotions to work which I shouldn't be doing on the first week of my holidays. Had Wati worried, Sorry Gal! I'll try my best not to... haha...

Received a mail from Tim... looks like he's promoted and will be transferred at the end of the month. I would have been quite affected in the past coz one of the RX staff is leaving but no hard feelings now... Its just a matter of time for the entire reshufflement. People come people go... So the only thing I can do now is enjoy the moments I have before things start to change again.

Starkey would be resigning soon for his dance career, I guess there will be 2 to 3 transfers coz both Yun and Suzy are turning full-time next week. So many changes... hai...

Clearing tables always bring back wonderful memories with my khaki Sharon... I would clear the table and she would come with a tray to put the glasses on, sometimes when our minds don't coordinate, we end up pausing wondering who to do what and finally ending up with the chinese word ' mei mo qi' aka no chemistry coz we should somewhat understand the tasks we want/need to do to help each other without even spitting a single word... Those were the days man... Really miss working with her...

There's Amin whom I missed alot too... I hope he's doing fine with his own outlet. This crazy man taught me hosting and lots of stuff, basically on general knowledge and the world outside... just love this guy man... I took the first motorcycle ride with him... It's so fun! Though he's the happy-go-lucky type, he's serious in the things he does. Admire his character... haha...

Abd is also a very good staff... Though I didn't really knew much about him... We always play and make fun of each other during work... his Abd-py and I'm Gou-bin... he's becoming fitter each time I see him... Thanks to NS... lol...

Haha... All the memories will & still remain in the small humble outlet... It's what that always keeps me going excluding the bad ones... hehe... Holidays going to end... So many things have happen in this short period of time... It's time to turn back to that sickening school of mine... and schedule's going back to the same old few timing... May god bless this outlet...

...Nightmare... Professionalism *skeptical*

Had one of my worst days at work. Looks like the disgusting dream I had before ( *** & *** smooching in the car) really came true. Though it was not exactly the same, the dream was realized somewhere along the line.

After telling Wati what *** told me & Erin on Saturday. Things started to worsen. *** interrogated me through the phone asking what I told Wati. At that split second, I was puzzled, shouldn't he be more concerned of what *** was telling to others rather than what I told Wati? Whatever it was, I related everything to him anyway.

I came to work and *** talked to me regarding that issue. He made me feel bad for what I have said. *Apologies to ME & my BIG mouth!!!* Perhaps to others, I'm just someone who started all this commotion, but to think on the other point of view, I'm just a wind that has caused the fire burning on the charcoal to blazon more furiously. I kept quiet for the first 2 hours of work feeling guilty. I analyzed on what *** had said and felt more frustrated because it just doesn't make any sense to me!

He told me that Wati had insulted on his professionalism. To piece everything together, it is politically incorrect for Wati to question his professionalism coz his the boss (opps, did I mention anyone?) but on the other hand, putting his professionalism at stake, coming to work with a hangover after the booze at Momo denying that it was some sort of ''food poisoning'' where symptoms of hangover actually proved more accurate. LOL!!! This is ironic... To aggravate matters, I have a bimbo wannabe who was actually stupid enough to brag to me & Erin, ''Ooooo, I got a chance to kiss ***'s cheek yesterday.'' Though I have selective hearing at times, DISTINCT quotes like this cannot be forgotten.

I was disappointed when I tried to talk to Erin about what the bimbo had said and all she could tell me was, '' I can't remember a thing coz I was feeling unwell at that time.'' Whatever reason or excuse that was, I just felt played out... Stabbed right on the back... WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD, BIN! I have just entered the world of politics...

Seriously, I don't think there is any professionalism to talk about when private matters are dragged into conversations like this. All I see as a service crew is personal preferences, biasness and unfairness. That bimbo isn't just wiping at ***'s balls, she is directly GRABBING & GRIPPING his balls disallowing other people to touch it. How amazingly selfish can she be!? LOL! Who knows she is just one helluva UNCLE-KILLER!

Why does evil always takes the lead leaving the good to stagnant? Why does hardwork and effort put into something results in people being unappreciative? Why? What is wrong with men at these ages? First is Mr Png, followed by Mr Colin, now ***!!! FUCK CARE LA!!! I can't be bothered. I'm off to sleep.

P.S.
The fact I am the one who caused things to turn out like this cannot be smeared or wipe away. I seriously feel bad for what I have done but it has also made me realized in times like this, who I am able and unable to trust. It has just made me seen the uglier side of a person. Haiz... Is the family I once loved still exist? I really don't know what is left in there for me to look into... Perhaps it is really part and parcel of lives we need to get through with...

Deception... Boredom

It feels weird to lie... I hate to lie when I could actually tell the truth... There's a badminton match organised by the class tomorrow but I actually told them I have something on even though I was free at that time... I couldn't tell them that I didn't felt like going, perhaps its to save trouble from all the commotion...

I couldn't find out why being myself in class seems impossible... Was I being cold towards them or did I choose to ostracize myself from other people? It seems tough to grasp the answer... My life seems to follow a ''strategic'' routine... classes starts, classes ends... heading back home... do my homework... turn in for the other day... The only days I anticpate are Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays... It is the only time where I seem to be myself... the crazy, talkative, sarcastic me...

I happen to saw a TV programme that relates to people that studying is the most enjoyable and pleasant thing a person could do in their early ages... Is it a propaganda? To me... it is... Its so bored to study... drowning myself with piles of heavy books that feels like tons... they are so DISGUSTING!!! I hate books... why does Singapore emphasize on the importance of education where there is so many things other people could actually excel in? In Singapore, it feels like everything is already planned before a birth of a child... you head to kindergarten, primary school, secondary school... Poly/JC/NAFA (parents wouldn't allow me to choose that) ... yup... so I only left with Poly as I have more freedom in there... Already half of a life-time is sacrificed for the sake of studying... What a waste if a person is unable to pass his or her exams...

I believe this quote that I have always seems to be true... ''Humans are wretched.'' Yes... I'm one of them... when I have a long holiday break... I'll wish to go back to school and study... when I go back to school... I'll wish I could have a long holiday break... Haha... this is the ironic part about humans... there's always a sense of ''urge'' to greediness... and when you get hold of the stuff you want... you'll regret of the opportunity cost... Why is there always regretment? WHY???

Talk about boredom... I'm really getting it... I'm so bored!!! How I wish I could get away from Singapore to appease my uncertainties!!! I need a getaway trip... soon... and I mean it!!!

~Birthday Eve~ * Birthday*

Birthday's over for me now... Had an enjoyable one... Celebrated with RX, my friends and my family of course... Actually received 3 cakes in total... and so many presents!!! Was actually quite amazed with that!!! One from RX, one from my friends and the other one from my brother... Now seeing the sight of cakes just makes me sick... hehe... The lovely Kaya cake from B.S.

Was really touched with the effort made by everyone... Really didn't wanted it to be something big for me coz I didn't mention it to anyone... Didn't know how to describe the feeling I had when RX took the cake out and sang the birthday song to me... I was shocked... I couldn't put down my smile at that time, just couldn't... Everyone was in a good mood at that time... So was our dear boss... It brings me to ponder how long has it been since I saw everyone did something together... At that point of time, It felt like everything was back together again... But I don't know if I'll have that feeling ever again... haiz... Nevertheless, I hope my wish goes to everyone... That is to stay happy no matter what... Stay strong...


Picture of me smurged with whipped cream... My boss cutting the cake... look so serious!!!

Left my work after that to visit Meiling's shop coz I'm going out for a pre-celebration with my friends... Had Seoul Garden and arcade after that... Played lots of games... There's one that tires me the most... '' Percussion Master '' Had to compete with 3 freaks on the game... They took turns to play which was a handicap match for me coz that game requires hand stamina... Despite the fact, I still kick their asses hard and humiliate them infront of everyone coz they can't even defeat one person... hohohohoho... and so the day for the eve of my birthday ends with quick summaration...

On my birthday, met Meiling for breakfast at Breeko with the rest of the company (Holland Village) Band practice after that... Tried on my new mouthpiece... Works wonders for me!!! Could do alot of things I couldn't do back at that time... Had a good practice too... coz I could blend with Justina ever since braces were attached to her... :) There came another surprise for me!!! Birthday cakes!!! haha... the band sang the birthday song for me!!!

I rushed back home to meet my parents for dinner... a kind of celebration coz its my mum's birthday too... haha... She gave birth to me on her birthday too... that makes the both of us celebrating together PLUS its mother's day ALSO!!! What more coincidence could you get other than THIS!!!

As we were waiting for the dish to be served... Damien called me from Malaysia just to wish me Happy Birthday... Was very touched at that time... It just made me realise that I had so many friends around me... Always there for me... After 5 minutes talk, we ended the call... Didn't really want to end the call coz I haven't talked to him for one week!!!

All those factors really brightened my day... There's nothing more I could expect from anyone for a Birthday... Went back home to rest... And there came ANOTHER!!!! FREAKING CAKE!!!! from my brother... NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How I wished I could faint at that time coz I couldn't have another bite after the heavy dinner... Luckily I was spared from the cake for tomorrow... Phew...

Guess that's the end of my birthday for the year... I shall write off now... :)

~Therapy~ *Plastic Friendship*

Hai... it feels so good to be free from school... I haven't really got the time for myself until today... Vesak Day! Went to eat Swensens with my parents for the.... FIRST time!!! lol... Seems really sad ya...

Went to really pamper myself for the first time ever since I started working half year ago... never got the chance to buy anything until today... Yup!!! Precisely!!! I went for retail therapy by myself... Spent about $100+ on a few piece of shirts, pants... and two shirts for Meiling too...

Its feels so wonderful to get away from NYP, my class... MOST OF THEM!!! Seriously, I dislike the class very much... its so meaningless to be in such a class whereby intelluctual level seems of different frequency... The way they talked... the imaturity within them... insensitive ppl... All kinds of shit you can find secludes in that damn freaking class. I couldn't be bothered with them... Everytime I stepped into class, I just kept quiet... Yup... quiet all the way... living in my own world filled with music. (Earpiece in my ear) I hope this year ends quickly so I could switched to a different class.

It feels so lonely going to school everyday... Every single moment, I would think of RX (the old staffs at the point whereby I first joined in + Ah wei) , my best friends... Yeah, I miss them, they are the only ones that remained true to themselves and to the others too... As for the freaking class, the friendship bonded that apparently seemed too strong too kindred to be true just disgust me... (Puke) Those ''friendship'' they have among themselves felt so plastic-ky, so transparent... Conflicts bound to happen in that group... Till then, I'll see how the group shatter into smaller groups, separate from each other... Not that I'm evil or something, its just that I hold a very strong belief whenever it comes to friendship... From the way they continue, friendship will fail inevitably...

I somehow regretted not going to Genting with Damien and Sisters... Didn't realise they chose such a good timing for a getaway... Guess they must be having fun right now. *Envy*

Guess there's nothing I could do right now, perhaps to continue on putting the ''mask'' infront of the people in the class. Working tomorrow, hope I could enjoy myself!!! As for now, I shall rot at home to do my homework... My life sucks terribly... I need something to brighten my life...

Breakaway... Shattered Into Pieces... Things that mended my wounds on the way... ~~Salvation~~

It has been weeks since I last blog... so many things or I would say shits has happen... To study again is another new challenge for me. Teaches me how to cope with my stress AGAIN.

Handling work and studies at the same time is still acceptable for the time being, just that its tiring though. Lots of stuffs has happen this few weeks, had steamboat with Damien, Yunz & Bren... Look for Amin at CNL, went for K-boxing after that, had lots of fun singing & chatting. Met new staffs e.g. Shawn & Starkey... both are nice guys... Still taking the same usual long walk with Damien every single chance I have,(It has become a distinct stress reliever for me) perhaps its the company that makes me feel this way.

Just hit one of my few rock bottoms lately, a friendship that could no longer carry on was to be abandon... I was talking on the phone with Meiling and had came to realise that I should let the friendship go... It has reached a point that both of us couldn't even understand what each of our minds were thinking. Too much... too much chances, excuses and forgiveness were given. Nothing could pillar this friendship any longer. Priorities have changed so did the common topics that we used to have... There's nothing left... perhaps the memories that still linger around. I couldn't describe what I was feeling at that time... just felt like a piece of shit...

Broke down into tears after that conversation, to make things worse, I finally get to see Sharon ever since our last BBQ session with my ''weeping'' face. Felt so bad that I couldn't really have a nice talk with her after we finally met. Too bothered by those idiotic stuffs... I really suck at that point of time, everyone in the outlet could see me crying... SHOCKED! that's what their expression told me. Tim came to console me asking if I want to talk things out but I wasn't listening to him at that time. I could only catch what he was trying to convey after he repeated his sentence 3 freaking times. I rejected his offer because I could neither talk or think at that point of time, in addition, when I create a shit, I don't want to pass it to other people and tell them to clear it for me because they too have their own problems and worries to settle. Nevertheless, I still appreciate Tim for showing me the concern that I really needed, not to miss out the rest of my RX staff. Went to change and cleanse away the thoughts that still bothers me and continue to concentrate on my work. (Was actually amazed that I could really do that.)

I stayed for the 2 hours of carpet cleaning and discussed certain issues regarding RX with Wati... we shared same sentiments about the recent changes in RX, that includes the staff, feelings of everyone and problems each of us are facing now. Certainly had an enriching talk, watching Wati trying her best to work out stuffs further than what it means of being a manager really made me admire and respect her more, not like someone (Chix Pat aka Crusty Curry Chicken Pattie)

After that, went to meet up with Damien. Sat down at one of the areas of Boat Quay where we could catch a nice view of the night lights and river. Talk to him about my problems, felt so much better after that. Went to eat with him at Bugis Hawker Centre, ate carrot cakes. I was staring at the plate of carrot cake using the fork to stir, couldn't seem to eat it up... sadness still lingers around me... It was then Damien saw my faceless expression and told me not to think anymore, he somehow talked some sense into me making me feel ''useful'' again. Went to check out the balloon floating and the busting bass heard from faraway for the pass few days walking back with him... came to realise that it was a rehearsal for the upcoming labour day celebration. Here's the picture...
We continued our walk till we parted at Little Indian... Took the MRT back home and saw my long bosom friend JunLong which I didn't seem to have any chances of meeting him at NYP, lost contact with him for so long and met him in such an awkward place and timing. Well, its all up to fate to decide... Had a non-stop talking session with him and exchanged contacts, hope I won't lose it this time.

Well, in conclusion, perhaps its not that bad after all, certain important people made me understand that I'm not alone, they made me feel appreciated of the things I've done. Thinking of the ''up-rooted'' friendship made me realise that its not the end, its part and parcel of life... I need to learn to live with it... every setback, every problems, every memories just made me who I am now, giving me the energy to continue what's left untouched on my journey to the end...

Haiz... I guess I'll end here... its 4 in the morning already... Night...

~~The Usual Walk With Damien Home~~

Walking home with Damien has always been something I enjoy ever since I started becoming good friends with him... Now to actually remember how we got to interact with each other on the first time makes me want to laugh... haha... It all started when I was still new in the outlet... One day, when I was working closing... Clearing the garbage bag was a usual thing I often did... I was very enthusiastic at that time and volunteered to help the kitchen staff to clear the garbage bag too... Damien was working closing at that time... though the garbage bag was very big... I still argued with him to give me the damn bag... After much persuation, he finally gave up and allowed me throw the bag... When I came back, he felt uneasy and bad for letting me to throw the BIG garbage bag but I told him I requested it in the first place... and so it goes on...Soon, we began to talk to each other ever since that fateful day...

Today is an eventful day for me, getting to know Amin's leaving wasn't a very good start for my day... The heart-to-heart talks with Damien just aggravated my feelings... I was feeling rock bottom after that... Damien came to S'pore for a purpose... I shan't disclose anything personal to him... but as I talk to him about his past... trying to console him... the worse I felt... Damien try to keep it cool when we touched on sensitive topics... He always laughed out and tried to make jokes when atmosphere turns tense... But I certainly brought out the anger that always seclude inside him... He was already thrusting his fist onto a pillar as we strolled around Suntec... I could see his eyes welling with tears though it didn't came out... that moment was really heart-wrenching for me... I told him how I felt... I said the more he laugh and smile, the worse I felt... seeing my good friend in turmoil and I couldn't do anything made me feel so helpless... Damien once told me this in chinese, '' A person that always puts on a smile too suffers from several setbacks in life... '' The 5 hour talk with Damien was certainly an enriching one... Although Sophia was just beside us with her friend for the first half... We felt like we were in each others world... though we still talk frequently...

As I parted with Damien after that, I took the MRT back home... during the trip, I send a text and told him never to give up... after that... I tried reading my comic but I gave up after one page... I couldn't focus... I tried to sleep but was useless... too much stuffs was in my mind!!! the trip has never felt this long before... the 45 minutes trip seem like a day... I stared into space during the trip... it seemed so dull... Now to recall... I couldn't even remember how I walked home from Admiralty... seriously... NOTHING!!!!

But anyway, Damien replied my text and say he will live his life to the fullest... that really put a load off my mind... At 1am, he sent this... I supposed he sent to alot of people too but I find it meaningful...
Its written in chinese... I shall do the translation:-

Let the wind blow away your sadness
Let the sunshine shower you with warmth
Let the rain wash away all your troubles
Let the moonlight reward you with contentment
Let love bring you blessings
Let friendship give you bliss
Let my message transmit you with the most cheerful smile

Having said this... I'm glad that everything didn't turn out as bad as it seems... just hope he has the courage to do what he wants to do.....
Guess I MAYBE seeing Damien for the last few months... hope he can stay in S'pore longer... (reminder to Emily- please don't speak a word to anyone about the probability of Damien not staying in S'pore anymore... Thanks... And also the existence of my blog... I want to keep this as personal as possible...)

Hmm.... I guess I should write off now... its already 3 in the morning... haiz... Band practices for tomorrow again... Boring~~~

One More Going Down....

As you can see from the title... Writing the summary for today doesn't really bring any good prospect to what I'm suppose to say or feel later on...

Having not work for 3 days really made me feel so awkward... A sudden urge felt against me to reach Raffles Place as soon as possible as I took the MRT... perhaps the urge to find out how was everyone doing for the past few days...

Upon reaching the outlet, I was relieve to see the familiar faces inside the outlet... Everyone was still there... talking, crapping and joking as usual... I talked to Tim about my schedule for Poly and we somehow made a clear understanding on the days I could work... As we continued, I realise Steve(Hamster) was talking to Amin at table 5A...

Something wasn't right, my instinct tells me so... After observing Erin's facial expression, I knew someone would be leaving soon... AGAIN... It didn't took me long to realise that the person was Amin when Tim was talking SO LOUDLY to Michael when I was beside them... having said this, a thought came up to me... '' You don't have to say so loudly for the whole world to know when I'm just beside you, I'm not transparent... you know?'' To somewhat end this ironic conversation... Tim actually said this to me, ''You never hear what I was talking...'' Duh!!!! Even the dead could hear what you were saying man....

When everyone in the outlet recieved the news of Amin's leaving... The outlet became so quiet... Everyone tried to laugh and joke... but the energy wasn't there... it feels like everyone was so tired... so restless already... I couldn't feel anything... simply plain, my mind was blank... perhaps all these partings have become a norm to me... Have they??? I'm not sure... I could no longer feel the atmosphere, no longer have the feelings of missing someone that you spent wonderful times with... I know I could get over with this parting stuffs soon... but its already damn sickening to get that kind of feelings in the first place... why does friends come and go so fast??? Does fate wants to prevent me on putting redundant feelings on people that I've known??? Perhaps the consolation I get was lesser pain & sadness... I guess... lol...

Anyway, I would like to voice out my gratitude towards Amin for training me all these months... Especially when it comes to doing Host...

I honour you, Amin
I honour you for what you are as a person...
Straight-forward, considerate, hilarious, perverted & caring....
Thanks for all the times when you cheer me up when I was down,
Making me laugh when I was unhappy,
Providing me with valuable lessons to be learnt in future life...
Thanks for everything... Amin... You are one GREAT Manager...
I'm so going to miss all your laughter, jokes & of course... the butt spankings... haha...

~~My New Idol~~New Craze, Forgotton ''Deity''

Saw the picture on the left??? Yup... No doubt his my idol... His name is 池振熙... I just recently finished watching 大长今... An awesome show... story which is wonderfully designed & plotted... twists comes in perfectly in the right time... So perfect... No wonder it has brought craze in several countries like Korea, Hong Kong, China, Malaysia and now Singapore... which is kind of lack... the show was filmed bout a six months ago??? Finally it came to S'pore... craze always comes last when it comes to foreign TV shows bought by S'pore...

Some of my friends say that the show were only mend for aunties to watch... but the show actually proved them wrong when they got hooked by it themselves... lol...

I seldom ''worship'' celebrities because I know its almost impossible for a fan to get ''hooked up'' with the idol they idolise... but having the hobby to watch your favourites act & sing actually brings moments of enjoyment when your life seems completely blunt, boring and colourless... thats when the magic of celebrities strikes!!! At the period of vulnerability, they fill you with superficial contentment... YUP... & I mean SUPERFICIAL... as time goes by... the craze goes down... & a new cycle starts... it goes on & on... Its part and parcel of life I would say... but its rather fun though... hehe...

Having said all this... I'm still an ardent fan in Pops when it comes to Ayumi & Whitney... To me... their songs are simply the best and unforgettable... Just love it... One of my favourite MVs is Whitney Houston & Cece Winans ''Count on Me'' from ''Waiting to Exhale'' Soundtrack... The MV is so touching... always gives me the surge of overwhelming feelings... and so are the lyrics...

This is how it goes :-
Count on me through thick and thin
A friendship that will never end
When you are weak
I will be strong
Helping you to carry on
Call on me, I will be there
Don't be afraid
Please believe me when I say
Count on...

I can see it's hurting you
I can feel your pain
It's hard to see the sunshine through the rain
I know sometimes it seems as if
It's never gonna end
But you'll get through it
Just don't give in cause you can

Chorus:
Count on me (mm) through thick and thin
A friendship that will never end (ah)
When you are weak
I will be strong
Helping you to carry on
Call on me, I will be there
Don't be afraid
Please believe me when I say
Count on...You can count on me

Oh yes you can (ah)
Oo, I know sometimes it seems as if
We're standing all alone
But we'll get through it
Cuz love won't let us fall

Chorus:
Count on me (count on me, i'll be there) through thick and thin
A friendship that will never end
When you are weak
I will be strong (I'll be strong)
Helping you to carry on (yes, you know)
Call on me, I will be there
Don't be afraid
Please believe me when I say
Count on...
Count on...

There's a place inside all of us
Where our faith in love begins
You should reach to find the truth in love
The answers' there within,
ohI know that life can make you feel
It's much harder than it really is
But we'll get through it (we'll get through it)
(Just) Just (don't) don't give in (oh)

Chorus:
Count on me (count on me) through thick and thin
A friendship that will never end (it'll never end)
When you are weak (you)
I will be strong (I will be strong)
Helping you to carry on
Call on me, I will be there
Don't be afraid (don't be afraid now)
Please believe me when I say
Count on
Count on
Count on
Count on
Count on
Count on me
Oh yes you can
I know I can
Yes you can
Well
So glad I can, count on me

Hmm... guess I'll turn in for the night... its late... gotta go to work tomorrow and have a long walk with Damien after work again... Really enjoy the long stroll... :)

~~Separation Really Is Inevitable~~ * Priorities In Life *

Its been some time since I updated my last blog... Everything has been so packed & busy... Its been one week since another farewell of my dear friend Sharon in RX... Miss Sharon lots!!!! Feels like everyone is leaving... First is Brenda, then Abd ... now Sharon.... Everyone has decided their priorities in life & are waiting to experience what people say, ''A Whole New Beginning.''

Working in TCC for four months has been long yet short for me... Now to recall and look back at the past few events... We had SO much fun & laughter... Its was certainly an unforgettable experience... Now that poly is going to start...I must work hard and not to neglect my studies... Wouldn't want to put the money into waste now that I'm indebt with my uncle... Huge sum of money... Really hate to owe people a favour or whatever people would phrase it... So sick and tired of everything...

Recently, I had a talk with Meiling... and came to realise that there was still a problem yet to be solved between me & Vincent ever since the issue that happened last year... Everything was somewhat ''forced'' under circumstances and nothing could really do to help or recover it... Perhaps I was being practical at that time but what could have happened, had already happened... Its so hard to dig up the past that already seem so vague to me... Being defensive or what... I really wouldn't like to bring up what happened in the past... I'm actually sick and tired of everything... Could it be that I'm easily influenced and reacted what I feel under strained circumstances or perhaps different people I met in my life gave me something that I've never felt before... Someone who I could admire... learn and discover from... But am I in the wrong??? I totally have no idea...

''Setting priorites is not wrong, but never neglect your friends.'' This sentence hit me before I could even realise it... Did I really neglect them??? Perhaps I did in the past... but am I still doing it??? Or did it turn out the other way??? No matter what, I still spend time and make an effort to meet up with Vincent with my packed schedule... But did he ever make an effort to meet up with me??? Obsessed in the game of Maple Story... Or I would say in general, Online Games.... really kills a person... no matter is it your health, time or money... does Online Games really stands out as a more prior choice compared to spending time with friends??? Or is it a retribution for what I did for neglecting my friends in the past??? Lol... I seemed to be questioning myself all the time but never really able to find out the answer that satisfy me...

Back to what I was saying about setting priorities... RX may seemed a prior choice for me at this moment... but who could have helped??? Imagine going out for a chill with only one person most of the time...PRECISELY!!! 2 freaking pathetic people... do you think it's fun??? Sometimes, calling for a gathering seemed a daunting and excruciating task for me... (Climbing Mount Himalaya...) Even if you get everyone's ''agreement'' *after much persuation*, you might already be so tired that you don't even want to go out... (Reaching the peak of Mount Himalaya and fell after slipping over a protruding step that seemed strong on the outside but weak in the inside...) Witty selection deters on the satisfied outcome of one person...

I don't know whats with Vincent lately... He's becoming more lazy & unenthusiastic as before... I don't even know if he really has any family problems other than his dying grandfather and annoying grandmother... Could all this factors aggravate the main issue he is having??? Beats me... His family seems to be in an utter mess right now... I don't know how he is handling... Did maplestory turns out as one of the main sources for him to vent his unhappiness and stress??? Even if it is... Its is the worst choice among all... now what I can do is to wait for school starts so he could direct his unhappy energy on other stuffs... like schoolwork... I'm not good with consoling stuffs... neither am I clever enough to get something out from what a person is thinking but I'm good in listening... I can only wait for him to tell me what he has been going through...

Hai... I'm so tired after such a long essay.... In conclusion, no matter if my priorities have changed after the months... there is always a small group of special friends that will always remain important and unchanged in my heart... Its time I should sign off now... Till next time...

Bin
''When one door closes another opens, But often we look so long so regretfully upon the closed door that we fail to see the one that has opened for us.''

Undiscovered Brand New Experience

It was an ugly morning when I woke up only to hear my handphone ringing loudly... I was enjoying the bed which I've long for when I swoop places with my brother... The bed was damn comfortable compared to my ''springed-out'' bed... feels like sleeping on bunch of uneven lumps... haiz... can't remember when I had my last good night sleep... I'm going back to that lump again today... looks like its about time to get a new bed!!! But... but.... no $$$.... (weep)

As I refreshed myself knowing that I won't... I head to meet my friend Meiling for the outreach performance that never seemed to reach other people or publicise MWO... haiz... but never mind... we go there to enjoy playing the music we like... so it really doesn't matter much... :)

Justina couldn't made it for the performance and so... Adrian came... playing with him really boost my motivation to play my music SO MUCH better.... and louder of course... He's an expert when it comes to musicality & technicality... I never regret playing with him... BUT his not going to join us for the National Band Competition... NO~~~~~ haiz... why am I always given the taste of heaven for just a short period of time and feel the lost of what is being appreciated... Its a thing for me to ponder again...

There really isn't much to talk about today... It was a typical day like any other day... perhaps more spices in it... I guess... hmm... Its going to reach Choon's birthday soon... gotta write him a birthday message... guess I'll stop here... Bye, my dear friend!!!

Me at Gasthof Euverem in Holland, Hueveland 

An Untouched ''Debt''... A New Genesis...

Hmm... after much time of setting up this blog... probably about a year ago... I guess this is the first time I'm posting a blog in the net.... *applause*

So much have past since the eventful year 2005... I should say I'm having a good start for myself after all the crap and stuffs I've been through last year... hope this year wouldn't be as bad as last year even though signs have shown Taurus won't be able to journey a smooth & peaceful path ahead... ''BAD'' omen... haiz... On the optimistic side, I'm sure we control the fates in our own hands... what comes will come... its just the way we see and handle things in our own perspective...

I guess it must have been approximately half a year since the departure of my dear friend... looks like chrono do travel faster when you don't realise it... everything happens in a blink of an eye... the sorrow and loneliness in my heart have gradually diminished through the months... It really wasn't easy getting through it... but certain distinctive people walked in my life and taught me somewhat to let go and look back... feel... just feel and never ever dwindle in the past... the nostalgic feelings that seclude inside me have become what people always says, '' part and parcel of life. '' Sure those are wonderful memories...

Hmm... I suppose a new and excruciating journey awaits me to venture... Poly life is going to start after the hectic days of 'O' levels... So many months of mindless working have made me use my brain lesser & lesser & lesser... but sure I did gain ALOT of experience... especially the hands-on stuffs, and how to be tactful when talking to idiotic customers. (bastards & bitches) I am SO going to miss my crazy gang of friends in TCC outlet... Especially My wonderful managers, Tim(Daddy), Wati(Emily) & of course Amin(Pervert)... Not to leave out my talking, crapping & bitching buddy Sharon and so many other crazy staff.... hmm... I guess it would be about 3 weeks count down from now on... when my schedule ''ANY DAY, ANYTIME'' becomes... ah.... mmm.... UNPREDICTABLE!!!! haiz... let time decides everything... hope I can cope between my studies & work at the same time as well... Haha... I'm craving for some stress of homeworks, lectures and other stuffs in Poly... ( What a sadist I am... lol ). My mind has been processing rather slow nowadays, jokes which I could understand & catch at the same time seemed unfamiliar to me... too relaxed and care-free for the past few months I guess... haha...

I guess I'll end here... its getting real late now... till then... Hope you're looking what I'm writing now... dear friend... Nite...