December

It's weird seeing how time flies without one knowing...
With less than a month's counting marks the end of 2010...
I looked back and wondered what have I accomplished this year...
Nothing much I guess... Journey has been rather tumultuous for me...

2010 seems to be a transitional phase...
I seem to view things differently than I did in the past...
I thought I was weak in certain aspects but the experiences I'd encountered proved me wrong...
I was determined to set things straight when I got my 'closure' in certain issues...
I believe lingering memories may still cause my heart to waver...
Then again, I shouldn't worry too much... It keeps my sanity alive at the same time...

I dreamt of attending meihui's wedding... That's a first and one of its kind... I looked up on dreammoods.com and this is what it says...

"To see a wedding in your dream, symbolizes a new beginning or transition in your current life. To dream that you are attending a wedding, consider how you feel at the wedding. If you are upset or sad, then it means that you are unhappy about the current status of your life. If you are happy, then you are embracing a new change in your life."

I remember I was happy in the dream... Well, what more could I say?
We have to play on no matter how tough life could be...
Just play on because challenges are only there on a temporal basis...

I seem to have an insatiable appetite whenever I'm home...
This is not good... There's no end to this bottomless pit of my stomach...
Nothing satisfies this hunger...
This hunger however stops whenever I'm in camp, I get so turned off by the food...
I wonder what's wrong...
The weekend appetite seems to accumulate from the weekdays of lost appetite...
Such an unhealthy routine...
I probably just want to get out of NS immediately... Hah!

If there's one thing I've got, 'networks' would definitely be the one...
Maryann got promoted as the deputy centre manager in the previous company I'd worked in...
Went to find her and had a great talk...
Lots of updates and changes occurring...
Let's hope something gets tied down by next year January...
Time for me to go back to what I used to do, too much idling and nonsensical emotional talk is not getting me anywhere...

Friends

Shaun mentioned something interesting yesterday...
He made me see light in different perspectives...
I was quite touched by a comment made by him...
Guess that's what friends are for...

I'm so looking forward to the Kuala Lumpur trip, hope it will be a blast!
Seriously sick and tired of unit life...
Being a man really isn't easy, there's a lot of nonsense one has to put up with...
If there's one thing I've learnt in NS, it's definitely knowing how to build a high threshold of tolerance...
Shan't dwell too much in it, just makes me fume...

-Side Note-
I realise I have very poor general knowledge... I feel so stupid in front of my peers... To speak the fact, I've never bothered to understand the mechanics of how things function... Really took them for granted... I should really work on those areas, what an asinine am I...

P.S. Happy Birthday Mr. Teo!

Got stung by some unknown hideous insect in camp...
My hand is so swollen now...
Seriously, it looks like a pork knuckle...

I don't think I need to elaborate how awkward it was...
Nevertheless, I need to put on a false front if this is how it's going to be...
Will I get my resolution? Will the pain stop?
If yes, how long will it take?

Cooked

Tried something new today... I cooked!
Was too bored with my mum's cooking, not that it's not nice...
It's always the same old dishes!
I decided to cook indian curry chicken...
It was a random pick... I got the ingredients from youtube...
Bought lots of spices which I've never tried before...
Things like green cardamoms and garam masala, have never heard of them in my life...





Full protection gear to prevent oil from splattering onto my arms!







Outcome was a success!
The curry chicken tasted delicious! The spiciness was just right!
Dad and Mum liked it... For someone like my Dad to have 2 servings is just rare...
Conclusion: I can cook! + I keep the kitchen clean and tidy at all times!

Kyle's Mum

Haven't seen this for a long time... Watching it again makes me laugh...
Cartman did the "big band" style at the end, that's just classic! Haha!

Weird

The other day when I met up with Miao & Bren, I chanced upon this online friend of mine... I was pretty sure it was him... Got to know him since my Poly days... It's kinda weird to see someone whom you've never met before in person...

I thought he didn't see me because I was in the 2nd floor (he's in the ground floor)... I checked with him yesterday and realized he did noticed me too... But just wasn't sure if I was the correct person... Just weird... Haha...

As ambiguous and dangerous the virtual world may seem, I believe we can place our trust on others to a certain extent... You just have to go along with your heart... See if it feels "right"... Let your senses do the thinking and everything should be fine...

Pasta

This has to be one of the nicest korean dramas I've ever watched! Snuck up late to finish it... The ending was really well executed... Tastefully done! The loose ends were nicely fixed... Nowadays, I rarely find shows with great endings... This is one that entices me to demand more of the show... Truthfully, I didn't want the show to end... It ended too quick for me... Or perhaps I've watched it too fast... Haha!



The drama ended with the illustration of the favourite scenes from the show... My favourite scenes are all in there too...

Touching Up A Little

A fruitful day...
Got a new shelf to set things straight...
Took me 4.5 hours to rearrange all my stuff...
That included cleaning my room...

This was already 50% done... The mess was indescribable... I didn't know where to begin when I threw all the things on the ground... Quite a bad move...



Lots of segmentation, categorization and compartmentalization done...
Felt great sense of achievement at the end!
Was digging out items and found some which brought back fond memories... :)

Don't be shock... That's me when I was in primary school... A fat bozo...



Band days...



This was taken in Johor! Bren will kill me if she sees this leaked! Haha!



I knew I had a decent amount of letters & cards collected since primary school... But I didn't know I had THAT much!





Finally, everything is in order now!



The next thing I need to do is to get my room painted again... I need a brighter blue... A pity my ceiling's cloud design was painted over with boring white... Or I'll literally be living in my own little nirvana...



Guess it's not so bad afterall, I still get to look at my glow-in-the-dark moon before I fall asleep...

Just when I thought I was okay and ready to move on...
I saw something I didn't want to see...
And everything seems crumbling down on me again...
The foundation I have built... Destroyed...
What a kill joy!!! Why am I so affected? WHY?
Guess I'm just lying to myself all this while...
Yeah... FUCK MY LIFE!

Break

FINALLY! The long awaited break has come...
Having a backlog of 3 months for my TIMES magazines...
A chance to finish reading all of them...
There's just so much to read... And I'm lazy at times... It feels like it's becoming an obligation... :S

My uncle is about to move into another new unit so he gave away SOME of his books...
I have to say I GLADLY accept them... Those are what I call treasures... My mum told me the books were bought 30 years ago at the price of few thousand dollars! I was shocked when I heard it... I don't think I need to further explain the value of money 30 years ago... It's insane! They're just books or perhaps a nicer description would be... Encyclopedias







Tasty cup noodle for size reference!


Cool eh?!

rejection is defeat
ambivalence is but a cruelty
jaded with life
violence; a mitigating factor
everyone has a second sorrow
and i see it at its wit's end

Same As It Never Was

Finally got a chance to meet up with Brenda and Miao Ling... Last gathering was approximately 2.5 years ago? It was definitely a great catch up... I missed the times working together with them... I still remembered teaching Miao Ling on product knowledge when she first joined the team...

I believe all of us missed working as a barista...
The feeling of being dominant and powerful when you stood in the bar counter...
The countless order chits enticing the rush of adrenaline to complete each drinks perfectly in the fastest manner...
The sense of satisfaction and triumph one gets after tackling a crazy lunch crowd...
It was something special... A one-of-a-kind experience which I don't think I'll ever get again...

Talking to Miao Ling made me once again realise how similar we were... The habits and weird antics we shared... How synchronise our behaviours were...

This was a 2007 post...

1) No egg yolks
2) Hate seafood except fish (no salmon please)
3) No internal organs of animals
4) Chicken is the best, beef is alright
5) Towel we use must not be too rough or smooth and it must be able to absorb a significant amount of water.
6) Only Sunkist orange
7) Only green grapes
8) Eating sweet stuff after a meal
9) 3 different types of cleansing product. Hair, Face and Body
10) Cleaning toilet bowl seats before use even though it's clean

This was a post by Miao Ling yesterday...

#1. At Xin Wang, he ordered fried noodle with luncheon meat & egg whereas i ordered mee sua with luncheon meat & egg. it was unplanned and the difference was only the noodles used.
#2. We don't eat fried egg yolks.
#3. We didn't eat our xiao bai cai in the noodles.
#4. We eat tomatoes but not cucumbers.
#5. I don't eat prawns, and he doesn't fancy them much either.
#6. We don't give tuition 'cos we feel that we can't teach.
#7. Sweet tooth (he likes to eat sweet things after meals! i knew this from long ago haha.)
#8. We both don't wanna learn driving simply because we've no interest in it, despite people around us telling us we should learn.

I have to say not much difference after 3 years... Haha! She was my delinquent duo and she still is... I don't think I can find another one to replace her...



Every now and then, people enter into your life...
Walked the road you've traveled...
As time goes by, they become relatively distant away from you...
Not that the relationship has taken a toll, but the fact that they've just simply moved on with their lives...

I sometimes stopped and reminisce about the past...
Laughed at the fond memories I had...
I'm grateful for the past...
If you asked me who do I missed the most...
I think the person would have to be Damien...
He was my caretaker, my elder brother, my happy medicine...

I was suppose to meet him next week but a twist of fate made the meet up realised a tad earlier... We used to walk the streets from Raffles Place to Little India every time after work... We would stop by for our favourite Yuan Xiang fried rice in Bugis midway...

This routine was reenacted yesterday... The scenery changed so much in Singapore... Despite that fact, Damien was still the old him I knew 5 years back... I was happy to be able to do that routine again... It was literally "a jot down back to memory lane"... How cheesy... Haha!

2006




2007


2010



Looking at the past photos, we did mature after all these years... A tinge of melancholy toppled with an abundance of nostalgia... That's how it felt...

Perhaps you didn't show...
But I was darn worried just now...
Worried anything might happen...

Hate this kind of residual feeling
It's impeding my thoughts
I'm lost, I need to escape from reality
What else can I do?

人

We are the unfortunate
Led by the unworthy
To do the unnecessary
For the ungratefuls

If only the concealment was better...
Once you lie down... Alone...
You let the demon run in you...
It feels like it's eating you from inside...

I Am

Very true findings....

DOMINANCE

People who score in the low range:
~ tend to want peace and harmony.
~ prefer to let others initiate action and resolve problems.
~ are quiet and indirect in their approach to most situations.
~ are usually cautious and calculate risks carefully before acting.

They are generally well liked because of their mild and gentle nature. Other people will tend to see them as being patient, calm, thoughtful and a good listener.

INFLUENCE

People who score in the average range are likely to possess and display a mixture of the traits and behaviours associated with both high range and low range scores. A well balanced mix of the best of both ranges.

STEADINESS

People who score in the low range:
~ tend to enjoy change and variety in their work and non-work life.
~ are expansive by nature and tend not to like routine and repetitive work/activities.

They enjoy stretching themselves intellectually and physically.

People who score in this range are unlikely to be 'extreme' types.

COMPLIANCE

People who score in the low range:
~ are independent and uninhibited.
~ resent rules and restrictions.
~ prefer to be measured by results and are always willing to try the untried.

Free in thought, word and deed, they long for freedom and go to great lengths to achieve it.
They feel that repetitive detail and routine work is best 'delegated'.

Random Photo

I know Hari Raya's coming soon...
Guys! Was this 3 years or 2 years ago? OMG! Haha!
Good memories eh?

Friday

I didn't like that feeling...
It wasn't a very good day...
I was on a frenzy shunning away from people I knew on the streets...
It was literally CRAZY...
Acquaintances after acquaintances... Friends after friends...

It was nice meeting khaki again... We had a wonderful conversation...
Everybody changes from time to time... And yes they do...
We laughed and talked about the times spent during work in TCC...
I was only 17 back then...
Whatever that was said in Trattoria stays in Trattoria... ;)

I was on the way home and the meeting 'frenzy' didn't stop...
I met Sophia next...
We used to work together in TCC too...
We talked and updated each others' lives...
Sophia told me I've changed...
She told me I spoke differently...
She said "the Guobin in the past never use words like 'kan'..."
I left and she dropped me a message which shocked me...

"Guobin, I may not know what's going on in your life. You seem bothered or upset by some things. However, you must stay positive and jiayou! Take care and rest well!"

There's always highs and lows in people's lives and I guess now's not a very good period for me... It's like a grey area for me... It's neither here nor there... Everything seems so ambigious... I kinda hate that feeling...

I sometimes wished I didn't have to think so much but then again, I guess I can't seem to stop myself from doing so...

How can one be so heartless at avoiding situations he/she doesn't want to face?
Self-denial? Lack of courage? Or just simply uninterested?
I wish to understand...

P.S. To You, To Me... 干嘛老是用脸往冷屁股里帖。

the pain of losing someone
the pain of ending a relationship which one had invested so much in

as opposed to

the pain of ending what might have been one's desired future/career
the pain of suffering from defeat

which hurts more?
can pain be quantified?

君が想い出になる前に

我以为我成熟 以为从此就自由
我尝试着快乐 快乐却不陪着我

Your words irk me...
I would've easily ignored the comments made by you...
But then, I can't bring myself to do so...
Perhaps because it's you...

My tolerance level seems to be depleting with every incident accounted for...
When will I reach my boiling point?

Weird

Tsunami
To see a tsunami in your dream, means that you are being overwhelmed by some repressed feeling or unconscious material that is rising up to the surface. You are experiencing some unhappiness and emotional instability in a waking situation.

Lock
To see a lock in your dream, signifies your inability to get what you want. You are being kept out of some activity or situation. Perhaps an aspect of yourself is locked up inside and it needs to be expressed.

Elevator
To dream that the elevator is out of order or that it is not letting you off, symbolizes that your emotions have gotten out of control. It may be a reflection of your life or your career. You are feeling stuck in some aspect of your life, whether it is your career, relationship, etc.

Staircase
To see a staircase in your dream, symbolizes change and transformation.

Chase
To dream that you are chasing someone, signifies that you are attempting to overcome a difficult goal or task. You may also be expressing some aggressive feelings toward others.

Ten
Ten corresponds to closure, great strength, and gains.

And that's the sequence of my dream...
Tsunami heading towards my way
Unable to take the lift as it was chained by locks
Ran up the stairs
Saw a girl running up the stairs and gave chase
Reached tenth floor
And the rest were a blur

Linking all the key words... It does surprisingly form a string of attached meanings... Interesting... Everything little detail I remember in the dream seems to be so well coordinated... It's like there's a problem and a resolution at the 'end'... So weird...

3 Months Later

The card is finally in my hands after 3 months... Haha!
One of the pictures came off... >_<
But anyway, thanks so much PK! I like the card alot... :)

Late

My Ipod hit a certain song on my playlist...
I was thinking... "Oh! It's that song."
I sat alone and really listened to the lyrics...
My mind was in a state of shock when the song ended...
It felt as if the lyrics were punching my face with each word sang...
So that was what you were trying to convey to me back then?
It's already been more than a year...
Guess it doesn't matter to either of us anymore eh...

Thinking back, how could I've been so unobservant to not notice such details?
Stupid me... Guess it's better late than never...

Convo

Haven't had any good conversations for awhile...
Sure had a good one this week...
Nice finding out traits of myself from other people...
Interesting...

Life

I seem to be living a life - the lives of others...
When I was young, I was living my parent's lives...
Other than the fond childhood memories, the rest of the time was spent meeting my parent's expectations...
I was brought up in an environment whereby comparison was classified as a "norm" in the family tree...
I hated every minute of studying, all I wanted to do was having fun doing the things I liked...
When comparison was placed between me and my cousins, mine was considered mediocre...
My pride took a toll with every comparison, every harsh comment made...
It hurts and it really did...
I ignored every criticism targeted at me and procrastinated...


Life moved on and I was held back...
Band was my everything back then...
I was living the life of my conductors...
The wonders of music was beautifully fabricated... My naive self sometimes envied the suave actions of a conductor directing the band...
Sadly, band was more complicated than its music...
There were misleads, misunderstandings, misuse and tons of conflicts...
Best friends became enemies, betrayal was common back then...
The music was clouded by nonsensical stuff like this...
I was so involved in the "politics" that none of the stuff mattered...
I graduated and work became an integral part of my life...
Work pulled me out from band and my life moved on again...


TCC was my first ever job... I remembered I was very motivated in the things I do...
Again, I was living the lives of others... I lived to impress my superiors...
For the course of the entire 2.5 years of working as a part-timer in TCC, I was never late, I never took any MCs or even backed off from work due to prior commitments... To think back, none mattered... Nobody cared... I got no raise with my pathetic pay (I was holding up a 2nd job at that time) and I left feeling nothing... No qualms nor compunction... However, I've made genuine friends which I have kept contact with up till today...


During my time in Poly, I was juggling between work and studies... I never had enough time for myself and slogged as hard as I could remember... Mondays to Saturdays were work work work work work and more work... Life was hard and I worked to pay off school fees... I was thankful with my 2nd job because it made me realised something... Local degree is imperative in order to survive in the current economy... Reality hit so hard when I see "lost" and "listless" students enrolling into the private institution I was working in... Their grades were not cut up for local universities and *viola* that's where they end up in... Towards the end of my Poly journey, I once again lived the life of others... I squeezed out every pathetic time of mine and spread it evenly to my friends... To think back, I've never really lived my own life... I can't possibly get back the lost time "wasted"...


Ironically, NS seems to lock down time restricting my schedules... Am I living my life? Not really... Because I'm sadly still living the lives of others... I talked to Nips just now... It makes me think if it's worth the while doing all this to get the likings of other people... To get acceptance...


Am I doing this because I don't want others to dislike me? I seriously don't know... I plucked up the courage and got the burden off of what's troubling me for months... But what's the point? I seem to still be doing things maybe other people don't even care... Maybe I should just stop trying to be the mister nice dumb guy everybody perceives me as...


And that's the life of Mr. Su signed, sealed and delivered sincerely to your doorsteps...

Crazy Week

the touch of a healing wind
the brush of an embracing warmth
the unsounded apprehension
the restricted solicitude

I can't stop laughing when 听~海哭的声音 was heard...
Guess that's one of the little things that will stay intact with me forever...

Going back to NYP with Nips later! Woot~!
We're so going to feast!
Reminiscing the past...

Opposition?

Which will you choose? Your logical sense of thinking or the 'voices' of your heart?

My motivation to keep moving on... :)

Dreams... Again

Yesterday's Dream

Rain

To see and hear rain falling, symbolizes forgiveness and grace. Falling rain is also a metaphor for tears, crying and sadness. Alternatively, rain symbolizes fertility and renewal. If you get wet from the rain, then it indicates cleaning from your troubles and problems.

To dream that you are watching the rain from a window, indicates that spiritual ideas and insights are being brought to your awareness. It may also symbolize fortune and love.

To hear rain tapping on the roof, denotes spiritual ideas coming to fruition in your mind.

Today's Dream

Worm

To see a worm in your dream, represents weakness, degradation, filth and general negativity. You have a very low opinion of yourself or of someone in your life. The dream may also relate to self-esteem issues or a skewed self image. Alternatively, dreaming of a worm may be a metaphor for someone who is untrustworthy or slick.

To dream that the worm is crawling on your body, indicates that you feel someone around you is taking advantage of you and feeding off your kind heartedness. (I did remember a worm crawling on me and it hurts... It was like it was leeching on me...)

Earthworm

To see an earthworm in your dream, indicates that you need to go deep into your unconscious in order to unearth your hidden feelings and desires. Alternatively, earthworms symbolize little things that can be beneficial for your growth and well-being. It also represents renewal. Perhaps you need to restore some aspect of yourself.

Problem is... I don't know what type of worm it was?
Apparently, dreammoods.com segments different types of worms; leads to different interpretations...

The Holiday

This has to be the BEST romantic comedy film I've ever watched!

There was a segment in the movie whereby Iris mentioned this to Miles, "because you're hoping you're wrong. And every time she does something that tells you she's no good, you ignore it. And every time she comes through and suprises you, she wins you over, and you lose that argument with yourself, that she's not for you."

WOW!

Expectations

every little comment irks me...
it irks me even more when expectations are placed at different levels...
i tell myself i should probably just let it go...
because whatever i do, there's nothing i can change...
i can't place a knife up one's throat, i can't force someone into submission...
i'm too tired to do anything...
i think i should just go to bed and stop thinking about it...
because nothing's going to change...
goodnight...

8th September

Angela Aki's 5th album =]
Can't wait for it to come!

初恋 - 奥華子

very meaningful lyrics...



あなたのことは何でも知ってると思ってた
不器用なことも　猫舌なことも　電話が苦手なことも

だけど私の知らないことが一つだけあったの
あなたがもう私のことを好きじゃないということ

いつからすれ違ってしまったのかな
どうして気付けなかったのかな
二人で過ごしたたくさんの思い出
これからもずっと一緒にいると思ってた

あなたは友達　今日から友達
もう二度と好きなんて言わないから
これ以上遠くに行かないで　もう見るだけでもかまわない
名前で呼んだりしないから　隣り歩いたりしないから
用事もないのに電話したりしないから
だからもう逢えないなんて言わないで　お願い

綺麗なものを見つけるとあなたにも見せたくて
すぐに写真撮る癖が　まだ今も消えないまま

歩き方やしゃべり方を真似して　バス停まで歩いた帰り道
小さなことですねたり怒ったりごめんね
もっと素直になれたら良かった

あなたの横顔　あなたの口癖
悔しいほど好きなままだから
これ以上遠くに行かないで　もう見るだけでもかまわない
友達でいいから　特別じゃなくていいから
あなたの前では泣いたりしないから
だからもう逢えないなんて言わないで　お願い

あなたは友達　今日から友達
そう自分に言い聞かせてみるよ
あなたが笑顔になる場所は
もう二人では行けない場所

桜並木を歩いて　海辺で花火見上げて
枯葉散る時も　真っ白な雪の日も
いつもあなたがいてくれた　それだけは忘れたくないよ
名前で呼んだりしないから　隣り歩いたりしないから
用事もないのに電話したりしないから
だからもうサヨナラなんて言わないで 　お願い

鄭秀文

-捨不得你-

是祝福　是埋怨　終需要面對
是歡笑　是淚水　自己心甘情願

2nd Window

I'm so glad I got through IPPT with all the sustained injury!
My thigh still hurt when I did SBJ...
I pushed so hard when I ran 2.4km...
I was a mad man out there...
Never regret doing it because I got my best ever timing... 10m29s
It's not a fantastic timing but I'm contented and am proud with myself... :)
No more IPPT for bin for now...

If You Don't Like It, Then Fuck It!

I wished you'd never existed...
You are a disgrace to the family...
You can fuck off for all I care...
I swear I will NEVER help you if anything happens in future...
You can rot and die on the streets...
Go get someone rich, I'm sure they will be able to cover all your expenses... :)
I'm not regretting what I'm saying...
Yes... Take it... It's a vow I'd made to myself...
You are the most disgusting person I've ever met...
Just the thought makes me puke...
Grostesque seems like an understatment for you...
CCB! I've never been so angry before...

Deep down inside, I knew my legs were giving way... My relentless effort to prevent the unimaginable has finally been realised... Yes... It's finally injured... I tear my thigh muscle during my 2nd IPPT window... It was rather bad... I broke into cold sweat for the first time and it felt terrible... The pain was so much to bear... Luckily the sharp pain died down when the MO gave me the painkillers... I so feel like running now... Looking at the current situation, I guess I'm stuck, ain't I?

Coincidence

Nips just brought coincidence to a new level... I'm still marvelling at this unusual 'phenomenon'... This is just sick...

Wonderful

Wonderful by Annie Lennox...
Very very nice song!
The strong beat in the chorus is so catchy!

アシタもしもキミがいない

I was walking home and my ipod hit this song...
I listened to the words she sang and it made me sad...

Blood Donation

A very meaningful day... I'm loving it... Who knows I'll become a permanent blood donor in future... I guess I really don't mind doing it at all...

Haven't really pay a visit to Chinatown all this while... Sat down on those roadside stalls and the first thing that caught my attention was the glutinous rice ball stall! I really miss eating them... Nowadays, items like this are really quite hard to find...

Glutinous rice ball was somewhat an integral part of my childhood life... Used to make them with my mum all the time... Love pounding the dough and rolling them into gigantic ball-like shapes... It was so much fun! Kinda miss making them...

Eh... *stun*
That person creeps me out...
Being too friendly seems to give people the wrong signals...

23rd of April

Something important was given away...
I must have gone nuts... perhaps I already am... LOL!

Troubled

Vincent's facing alot of family problems lately...
This issue has dragged for as long as I could remember... Like since Sec 1?
Felt rather helpless that I couldn't help much...
Some adults are really selfish...
Divorce is the only way to solve the problem - to escape, to take back the money that was contributed to the house...
Adultery??? Screw that!!!
Heartless bastards... Yes... I mean his Dad and his Grandpa(deceased due to stroke[KARMA])...
He may not be able to live at the current 'home' sheltering him anymore...
Haiz...

still thinking about that fateful night... hmmmm...

was chatting with xiao nick and he said this...

"life isn't about the stuff you do, it is rather what you learnt from it and who you pick up along the way"

have to say it's kinda true...

i think he's like the only person i know who doesn't seems to grow old...

What To Do?

I sometimes dreamt of being piggyback by someone... I'm not sure whether I know that person or not... I never had the chance to catch a glimpse of it... I kinda regretted reading this from dreammoods... Curiosity does kills the cat...

"To dream that you are riding piggyback on someone, represents your lack of power or control in a situation. You are just going along with whatever decisions are being made. Alternatively, being on piggyback points to issues of codependency."

Have to say that the decipherment is rather true... So true it sends shivers down my entire body... It symbolises a kind of weakness... Yes... The inner me exudes nothing but fragility and uncertainty... The analyzation ended with the word 'codependency'.... This is kinda freaking me out... Am I thinking too much?

NDP

It is not about reaping any benefits off from the day's event...
Forget the beads of perspiration that never stopped...
Forget how sore the foots are, how thirsty one could get...
Skipping meals are alright...
Seeing the kids completing the 'race' was rather fulfilling...
I have to say it wasn't easy, but I'm glad they made it to the last stride...
More excruciating practices for them to go through...
Amid all the confusion, we still end the day on a light note...
I wonder how it would be like counting down the remaining days left...
They made my day even though they are rather cheeky...
I'm going to be so proud of them anyway... :)

perhaps no answer may be the best answer to the question

this has to be the most confusing week ever...

please remove me from my brain

you make dead people seem like party animals

Mulling Over Nothing

To exist as a human being, we sometimes ponder...
I sometimes ponder why am I even typing this out...
Ironically, a sufficient amount of precious time is spent unknowingly on questions which often leave us bemused or even lost...
Yes... I ponder...
I sometimes ponder why do I have such a useless brother?
I always wished I had an elder sibling which I could look up to...
But he's not even close... He doesn't understand the gravity of the situation here...
Everyone has their own problems, but he seems to be able to live his life in devoid, in denial... Or perhaps delusional I would say...
Should I commend him on his "happy-go-lucky" personality?
Hmmm... Maybe not?

Thank You Mr. Hong Weiqin :)

Urghhhh... I think I just got myself a nice prize... Athlete's Foot... How did this even happen?

have it come what may
resignation to fate is predetermined
struggling out to what seemed like a neverending labyrinth is sadly futile
nothing beats sucking it up and let life leads one
because the end may be close

Oblivious

Nips presented an interesting finding about me...
It's weird because no one has ever told me this before...
Have to say I'm totally oblivious about it...
I apparently walk differently from normal people...
It's weird because he described it in such a way that he could easily identify me on the streets even if I'm cloaked...
Cool eh?

22

22nd has been fulfilling...
It was simple in a surprising manner and I really liked it alot...
Celebrating with my love ones meant everything...

From Hannah's blog

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DEAR GEEBEE.
Aunty bin, I really wanna thank you for everything.
Thank you for staying by my side when everything went haywire.
Even when I was stubborn, and refused to listen to your advice, you continued to help me.
Thank you for your bluntness, your harsh words helped reality seep in faster. It made me loosen my grip on false hope, and learn to face the consequences of my choices. I know those harsh words were for my own good. I'd like to think of it as sheep-in-wolf's-skin words. It might look mean but the intent was good. And I really get that.

We've both grown up over the years. Poly life, Post poly life, for you army, and me uni.
I'm stronger now, I can survive on my own now.
Thanks for your constant support.
I lovelovelovelovelovelove you.

Have a great 22nd.
Please don't hesitate to come to me if you have anything bothering you.
I guess I feel like I owe you too much.
It's time to make it up to all my friends.

Happy Birthday GB.

Hannah... thanks for the love and I really appreciate the effort for writing this birthday message... Note that I've recieved it... =] I'll see you in a few days time!

This transition in life has been slow and arduous... I'm glad I've met supportive friends along the way... Yup Bud, you are definitely one of them... This is for you! Thanks for that birthday message, it was special in an amusing way and it made me smile... Life in camp would never be the same without your presence...

Soon, the countdown will roll in and it's time for bye bye... Am I saying this too early? No... Because time seeps through without people realizing them...

Inside Jokes

For me to know and for you to find out...

Pain In The Ass

Exercise Rabbit & Pirates Of The Carribean finally ended...
It felt so long... Way too long...
Earned myself lots of mosquito bites from the legendary LFA...
Thank You You...
A well deserved long rest it shall be :)

Same Side Of The Moon

Took me 1 week to play this song properly...
Still having troubles memorizing the entire song...
Shall practice more...
Very nice and soothing song...
Me likes it alot!

Have also learn how to play the chords of this emo song...
我真的受伤了...
Never really hear this song in full... Not too bad...

Friends

Was looking at the archives and saw this...
Does bring back memories... Haha...
Things were so much easier back then...

Without You

I Love Angela Aki!

Unit's initiation was one hell of a torture...
Chewing 4 chilli padis was insanity... The burning sensational was unbearable... My eyes were tearing profusely when the spiciness kicked in...
I was in a state of trance... Nothing mattered at that time... I couldn't speak, I didn't know what I was thinking... I only wanted to alleviate the spiciness in my mouth... It was CRAZY!
I felt pukish when I swallowed the chilli down... The dinner was churning its way out but I had to force it down the throat...
It was blue cheese next... Tasted rather nice albeit the pungent smell...
It soothed the discomfort temporary until the beer+raw egg came...
Gulped it down like a crazy man...
Puked abit of the egg white out...

*torture ended*

I was half dead by then...

2 more exercises coming up... only 1 day of rest in between... weekends are going down the drain... I'm so physically and mentally exhausted...

Blackie

My harp arrived while I was out swimming with Nips...
It certainly came as a surprise after 3 months of waiting!
The sound quality is indescribable...
It resonates so well given its size!
I'm trying to read both clefs at the same time...
Think I should just start slowly...
Haste makes waste...

Mum isn't feeling very well these days...
She vomited blood and I'm worried for her...
Hope it's nothing serious...

輝く人

It's out!!! Earlier than expected!
As usual, she never fails to disappoint!
Another nice addition to her collection of great songs!

This is sung live!


The music video!

Precious

This movie is indeed a rare find! Was recommended by Hannah months back...

From wiki - In 1987, obese, illiterate, 16-year-old Claireece "Precious" Jones (Gabourey Sidibe) lives in the ghetto of Harlem with her dysfunctional and abusive mother, Mary (Mo'Nique). She has been impregnated twice by her father, Carl, and suffers long term physical, sexual, and mental abuse from her unemployed mother. The family resides in a Section 8 tenement and subsists on welfare. Her first child, known only as "Lil Mongo", has Down syndrome and is being cared for by Precious' grandmother.

This little summary tells you how screwed up her life is... Life is as bad as it gets...

There's this one scene in the movie that made me tear... Precious describes how "love" has ruined her life... How much pain it has caused her... It was doing her more harm than any other thing... A resolution came forth with her teacher's reply... The "negativity" was immediately held captive albeit the use of simple words... It's something hard to describe, the flux of emotion was just too much for one to suppress... Watch it and you'll know...

Am still suffering from the aftermath of the show... Abit drained...

西村由纪江

扉をあけよう also defined as 打開門扇

Very soothing piano music...
Bc, if I didn't get the piano books from you, wouldn't have found such a great artist...

Harp Center

I came across this harpcenter website...
There's like so many harp books to choose from!
Don't think I need/am able to buy other stuff except for harp books... for now...

Shall save up enough $$$ and buy all books at once!

The Harp Of Brandiswhiere book by Sylvia Woods
Hearts of Oak book by Suzanne Guldimann
Pastime With Good Company book by Suzanne Guldimann
The Three Ravens book by Suzanne Guldimann
Cold December Winds book by Suzanne Guldimann
Green Grows the Holly book by Suzanne Guldimann
Folk Songs for Small Harps book by Julianne Johnson
Coupled Hands for Harpers book by Ann Heymann
Amid the Winter's Snow book by Suzanne Guldimann
The King's Delight book by Suzanne Guldimann
Progressive Solos for the Harp book by Jeannie Kern Chenette
Celtic Tunes Vol. 1 book by Jeannie Kern Chenette
Celtic Tunes Vol. 2 book by Jeannie Kern Chenette
The Bard's Harp book by Suzanne Guldimann

I love you guys... You know who you are...

Guitar

Learning abit of guitar from buddy before the harp arrives...
The strings cut... Especially the thinner ones...
My fingers are suffering from a painful whiplash...
Well, there's always a certain difficulty in learning some new...
'Beginnings' are always the toughest...

My first guitar song...

"Officially Missing You"

And I think I can play that song already...
Just need to move those hands abit faster... :)

P.S. My blog seems to be getting more and more unknown followers as well as people commenting on them... Is this suppose to be a good thing? I don't know...

I love you I hate you I'm hungry

感情说穿了　一人挣脱的　一人去捡

I realised I haven't had such a good laugh for as long as I could remember...

P.S. I think it was a wrong decision after all...

Looks like I'm stuck again, ain't I?
Encaged in a situation that will never break free...

You've finally decided to move back after how many freaking years...
Back to old times...

Aki

5th

2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010...
Wow... I should be surprised I've made it this far in blogging...
This blog was set up after his death...
A form, an avenue for remembrance...
Yes, 5 years seemed too long to be true...

I was never good in speaking out or voicing out my inner thoughts...
My mind switches off as if it was hypnotically entranced when I'm faced with tough decisions...
I was never too fast to react to any of them...
What's left in me is always that mixed feelings of compulsion...

I'm glad I could express myself in words through blogging...
It's a habit... so much so that it has become an integral part of my life...
I'm not really sure why I'm writing this post...
Perhaps lingering memories always bring me back to the past...



Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long
No matter what I say or do
Still feel you here till the moment I'm gone

Seduction is an art
Subtle methods of coercion used to sway the susceptible
And those who were determined will take their time to get what they want
And when the seduction is successful, those who succumbed ask themselves, "Was I seduced, or was this what I wanted all along?"

April 14th

the day whereby she will premier with guitar...

please let it come quick

still finding the antidote to alleviate that residual feeling

Things seem to always fall in place nicely...
Leroy... It meant alot... Thanks so much... :)

Abandonment

The nightmare on thursday night came as traumatizing as it could be... A series of recurring nightmares revolving around the same topic... Abandonment... Casts were different and that made things even worse... I think I woke up about 20 times from that day's "sleep"... (if you would consider it as one)

My heart cringed everytime I woke up and that hurt... It hurts so bad... I could barely remember any of the dreams but I knew they were all negative... I felt so suffocated in the middle of the night but still forced myself back to sleep...

Felt so languished when I woke up... The blurry image I caught before waking up was this "fish-bone" like craving... The distance between each horizontal line widened as it goes down... And beside each horizontal line marked the word "pain"... It's derivative in a way that it depicts the "extension of pain" over a prolonged period and that the "pain" would linger even longer everytime I encounter it from time to time... I know it sounds so pessimistic but I couldn't stop myself from thinking it that way...

I was so disturbed the whole day that I couldn't focus... I was desperately fighting a neverending battle inside me to cheer myself up... It wasn't easy... The negative energies were just too overwhelming to withstand/overcome... I couldn't even force myself to feign a smile...

This dream seems like a reflection of my fears... The fear of being abandoned... I'm too comfortable in where I am now... The luxury of having too many friends not knowing when they will "leave" me...

I'm fortunate to have buddy physically there to relieve some of the negative energies... It wasn't easy... really wasn't... Glad that I feel alright now... I hate nightmares...

Dreammoods.com depicts "To dream that you are abandoned, suggests that it is time to leave behind past feelings and characteristics that are hindering your growth. Let go of your old attitudes. A more direct and literal interpretation of this dream is that you have a fear of being deserted, abandoned, or even betrayed. It may stem from a recent loss or a fear of losing a loved one. The fear of abandonment may manifest itself into your dream as part of the healing process and dealing with losing a loved one. It may also stem from unresolved feelings or problems from childhood. Alternatively, the dream indicates that you are feeling neglected or that your feelings are being overlooked. Perhaps the dream is a metaphor that you need to approach life with "reckless abandon" and live more freely."

"To abandon others in your dream, suggests that you are overwhelmed by the problems and decisions in your life."

Siobhan Magnus and Crystal Bowersox

My favourites for this season's american idol! Sick vocals!

R.E.S.P.E.C.T

If you feel that you don't get respect from anyone, then earn it from them...
I guess that's what I've done during the FUPT...
I hate to get 'off' passes for physio... It's a drag if you know the process + the people you need to get it from...
All the 'off' passes gotten from physio is really damaging my reputation, or rather how my detachment commander views me...
Only people close to me knows that my shoulder has been a burden and is annoying me every second...
It sucks...
I'm sure I've proved him wrong...
I can see the change... :)

thanks for adding flavour to what seem like a normal day an unusual one... :)

i thank you

Dreams

Fabrication of thoughts...

They are not long, the days of wine and roses:
Out of a misty dream
Our path emerges for a while, then closes
Within a dream.

We rest.
A dream has power to poison sleep:
We rise.
One wandering thought pollutes the day.

Monotony in CNY seems to fill my mind with nonsensical thoughts...
There's alot of "what ifs" hovering inside my mind...
I think I'm going crazy... Or rather I'm crazy...
I love to stress myself once in awhile...
Perhaps I'm wretched in some way or another...
I can easily tell someone to give themselves a break but it seems to fail for me...
I need peace... I need to attain the state of tranquility...

Nirvana perhaps?

Acquiescence

CNY's around the corner... We constantly work the routine, work the norm... Answering people's questions with the standard template... Sort of a hypocritical avenue for one to keep in touch... What meaning does it hold? I'm not sure why I feel this way... It seems that all the negative energies are piling up... It always happens around the corner... I used to like CNY alot, but I was a child back then... I don't look forward to it anymore...

Escapism from reality perhaps?



*My condolences to Ruijie's, Oliver's and Weibao's relatives for passing away this week... It came as a shock to the course... Indeed, an ominous CNY...

Disappointed Again

I'm standing in such an awkward position commenting on your issues...
You know what you did... And it hurts me to even reprimand you over and over again...
Still remember what you told me? Telling me it's different for you this time...
Bullshit! You're full of bullshit!
I know it takes two hands to clap, making the relationship suffice...
But have you tried? Maybe you did... but have you given your best?
Have you not heed my words? Or am I just a spare tyre whom you seek when you're in trouble...
Someone who listens to you... Hearing what you have to say...
When will you 'mature' in this context?
You only seek content and moment of euphoria, but have you given thought to what it would be like in the long run? The consequences you have to bear, the person you will hurt in the process?
Why? Why can't you think?
It pains me to see you becoming such an irresponsible person...
You know how conflicting my emotions are? I'm your bro, your friend... I'm suppose to support you no matter what... But I can't delude myself... I see things... I've known you long and well enough to know how you react to problems in relationships... You run... You just run away from them...
You yourself know best! I shan't purge any further...
I understand it's not easy to call off a relationship... And that you'll be hurt too... But have you considered how the other party will feel?
Or perhaps you just don't love her anymore...
Please, please don't make me think any less of you anymore...
You may think it's unfair that I may have only heard her side of the story... But it's enough... Seriously enough... I don't even have to open my eyes to see who's the irresponsible one...
I know you'll be hurt seeing this blog post... But it's my way to show that I still care for you and that I want you to wake up your bloody idea...
You know what? Still remember the term I gave you? I think it still applies...

Harp

I bought a Rees Harp from wwbw... Okie... I know I'm crazy... But I've always wanted to learn it... It's so cool! I'm going to scrimp and save these few months... Damage done is... OMG!

I bought the fullsicle harp which allows access to all major/minor keys in music! It's like extra US$400! >_<


I bought a black one (check this one out!) It's like the only colour that looks pretty! The rest of the colours are weird...

A Nanny Perhaps?

The 2-hour conversation with Sergeant Darren made me lose my appetite... I'm flustered... I don't know how to persuade the course into believing a change that's happening... I seem to have a mountain to climb... Then there's that irritating guy's problem to solve... OMG! It's not the first time... Master previously told me to lecture this particular guy... Now Sergeant Darren... Am I a nanny or what? Or do I always appear in the wrong place at the wrong time? Argghhh....

What's done cannot be undone...
The damage dealt to one cannot be easily recuperated...
I can only wish for your recovery to be speedy...
May you get out of the slums or rather abyss... quickly...
No point dwelling on somthing that's never going to come back...
Because life will still go on without you...
WAKE UP!

"In our darkest moments, we all meet someone who will listen... some turn to friendly professionals, a few rely on those who are older and wiser, others seek out someone who knows what they are going through... but for most of us, nothing is quite so therapeutic as a good long talk with a good old friends"

This quote ended the latest episode of desperate housewives... The show never fails to make an indelible impression on me... Especially the lessons taught on the different walks of life...

Life in unit has been rather unpredictable these days... Sometimes you just feel unappreciated of the work you've done for others... What can one do other than sucking it up?

Nevertheless, a happy 21st Birthday to you buddy! Welcome to the world of 'adults'... :)

Libera

I wonder if anyone has heard of this group of angelic kids... It's so perfect and creepy at the same time... So scary!



This is the crazy ENYA song... OMG!

Physio Physio

Went for my first physio session in Alexandra Hospital... Very well-equipped facilities I must say... Great physiotherapists and nurses!

If there's this person you can't trust, then it's got to be the Medical Officer in army... The previous diagnosis was apparently false... Let's not even dwell into the physiotherapist I encountered in MMI... She SUCKS! Her attitude sucks as much as her skills... Does it make any sense when you complain to the therapist that your scapula is hurting and she later gives you exercises to strengthen your neck instead... Absurd!

According to my physiotherapist in Alexandra, there seems to be weakness in my left shoulder... Despite the fact, it fails to register to the brain to resolve the matter automatically... This causes the bones to 'function' on its own will and thus results in the grating of bones... The only thing recommended by her is that I strengthen my shoulder muscles to reduce or maybe stop the grating sound... This will take some time... Hopefully, everything goes well!

I need to relieve the pain on my shoulders...

A quote from Ruijie, "Friendship is like a piss in the pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel its true warmth."

Amid gross but true...

Exercise Onion Ring

Engaging real aircrafts was fun! Crazy planes flying around!

Sensational