Halloween

It is coming, isn't it?
How long has it been? 6 years?
I hope you're doing fine...
You'll always be this memory that lays deeply intact in me...
Always... :)

Wouldn't want to do that on your 6th anniversary... And for you...

-a moment of silence-

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until next year... my friend.

FUCK! This Is NOT Good!

I finally got back to work... papers piling like mad... files thrown everywhere...
Was chatting with Lilian on Facebook and recieved news that Irene(secretary) had to go for a bypass surgery...
She's 60+ years old and still single...
Her insurance didn't cover her heart surgery...
Lilian told me she wanted to save $$$ and bought a cheaper insurance instead...
The consequences she had to bear triggered another conversation we had...
My Family...
My parents have 0 CPF, they have the most basic NTUC insurance that covers peanuts if(touch wood) they ever get into any accident/illness...
Their savings are... pathetic... Only started to save 2 years ago because I forced them to do so...
My dad NEEDS to smoke & drink everyday, needless to say... support the family as well... Making ends meet...
My brother is paying his neverending debts...
And that leaves me... study loans...
I seriously can't imagine if something were to happen to my parents...
The pathetic insurance won't be able to cover anything...
I want to buy a better insurance for them but I have my loans to pay...
So in conclusion, if something were to really happen... we are FUCKED!

desperate people

problems are neverending...
friends confide...
I guess I'm happy being able to help someone in need...

just ended a call with a friend...
life hasn't been smooth for him...
choosing wrong choices in life...
wrong friends, wrong guidances, wrong paths...

when I know he's desperate... I just know it...
was rather shocked when I recieved his messages...
I know he's grateful for me being there for him...
Tries to repay me in different ways... but I seriously don't need anything...
I just want him to be okay...

life's tough... we suck it in no matter how bad situations are...
confiding in others has never been an easy task for me...
perhaps I don't want to reveal the vulnerable side of me...
I mean... who does?
I probably seek self-worth when I make others happy...
that's kind of sad, isn't it?
It's like I can't find happiness for myself...
I think I'm just estranged by all these incidents...
Maybe I'm just very tired from the 10 hours of lesson I just had in school...
I'm sprouting nonsense again... Should probably get to bed this instance...

P.S.
"I always feel that secrets are the ones that really define who we are... If we are exposed... what is left of us?"

Victimized

We, as kids are often victimized...
Victimized in the sense that our parents use us as "weapons"/"trophies" to compete in their war of comparison...
I bumped into a neighbour in the lift and he happens to be an old friend of dad's...
I kinda regretted holding the lift for him while he threw pamphlets into the trash bin... I had the choice to walk slower when I saw him from afar but I did not...
When he entered the lift, I could immediately sense this aura of pretentious exuding from him...
Knowing his family background - 3 daughters who happened to be all degree holders... Imagine how proud he was? *rolls eyes*
I sometimes pity my dad whenever he goes for social gatherings like weddings or even festive celebrations...
People form the perception that my family only breeds stupid kids because my brother went to ITE...
I felt as if we were being stigmatized... Is there something wrong with people going to ITE?
When I managed to squeeze my way into NUS, I knew my parents were happy for me but I couldn't help but think that they were more happy for themselves...
I don't mind being used to compete with people like that stupid uncle...
But is this how things are supposed to be?
I more or less expected the questions that came out of his mouth... and I was spot on...

1)What are you doing now? Me:Studying
2)What school are you in? Me:NUS

-silence-

Me: Bye uncle...

I could almost sense his disbelief after I answered his question... The condescending look he gave me... Felt like punching his face...
I was so glad I was holding the super thick psychology book while I was in the lift... That was evident enough to shut his trap...
He couldn't believe my dad was able to have a son who could actually made it to university...
Perhaps he was just jealous of my dad... him having no male offsprings to carry on his lineage... now I wonder what kind of era are we in?

When I went back home, I told my mum...
"Ma, I bumped into Ah Ek uncle just now"
My mum replied, "so did he ask you what you were doing and which school you were studying?"
I said, "how did you know?"
My mum said "your dad mentioned that you were going into NUS the other time and he didn't seem to believe even though he kept quiet, he just showed an unhappy face to your dad... that's all... don't talk to him next time when you see him... he looks down on people..."

And true enough, he does...

perhaps

feeling abit dreadful to go band...
don't know why...
perhaps I haven't been playing for 7 weeks...
perhaps I don't want to go band alone...
perhaps I lost the momentum of going band every Sunday...
perhaps I'm just lazy...
perhaps there's more important things to do like catching up on the readings I've missed...
perhaps perhaps...

绝对不放

他根本是个玩咖 　　
玩弄感情
把人当傻瓜

simplicity;strikes the core
leaving remnants of ambivalence

Mad World

South Asian exam this friday...
Was doing alot of research since the lecture notes were quite bare...
The more information I researched, the more disgusted I felt...
Not that it's not interesting, but just the fact that some of these countries are really quite screwed up...
The way military oligarchy is present in the country impedes its growth...
How people at the top 自导自演 to gain legitimacy in governing the country to protect their own interests... Are they even helping the people?
Now I know why Marx's theory is so relevant in society...
The neverending struggle for people at the bottom to climb the ladder while people at the top continues to suppress them...
Kinda pity those peasants living in that era...
On the otherhand, I thought some parts were rather anti-climatic...
A number of people at the top often die because they were assassinated!
So screwed up... Perhaps the best way to resolve an issue is to kill someone... Radical ways, radical minds... How many can one kill? You kill one, there's more to take over the position... so why bother?

More Weird Dreams

Another interesting monster chasing me this time...
Monster with rainbow tentacles...
The people in my dream said it was an Indonesian monster... (???)
People who got caught by the monster became empty vessels... It's like their souls got sucked out of them...
These dreams really don't make any sense at all...

tomodachi

what is the significance of friendship?
we often label and classify them under different categories or even rankings.
sometimes I wonder how is that even possible?
food for thought, anyone?
I sometimes have this urge to remove some "friends" from facebook.
acquaintances that I rarely talk to...
the people or "friends" who reminded me of the past which I no longer want to go into...
is this kind of feeling considered as a form of defense mechanism?
a kind of protective bubble to prevent the vunerable side of me from getting hurt?
how does one run away from all this?
do we feel obliged to "keep" those people in the list?
i have this routine that i always do every year... i delete contacts i find useless, it may seem heartless, but then again, what purpose or meaning does it serve? all in all, it just seems like additional data that is compartmentalized somewhere in the device hogging space.
i'm glad i made friends whom i can trust in university.
i see lots of fake people around, just there to exploit one another.
well, that's life I guess...
life's a bitch and it always will be...

X-Factor Stacy Francis

She's damn sick! This is her 3rd performance... All her performances are so emotional... It keeps getting better and better! She's what I call a TRUE artist...

Some Dreams Really Don't Make Sense

Part 1
I was alone in Taiwan and I got lost...
I called eeyen for help to find his relatives in Taiwan!
Some adventure eh... I remembered finding a house in Guting...
The rest went fuzzy... Hmmm....

Part 2
It was night time, I was alone in Yishun...
Came across this dilapidated temple and went in...
There were 3 vampires chasing me when I bumped into them... Remembered running like a mad man...
Hid under one of the wrecked beds hoping the vampires don't find me...
They did eventually... I resisted and continued to run...
I ran to Grandma's old house in Yishun (no longer exist) and started placing Talismans everywhere... Some of my relatives were there and wondered why I was so afraid...
Suddenly, a little kid which looks like 'Nezha' appeared and walked into the house...
I had a hunch he was one of the vampires and started throwing talisman at him (doesn't work)....
He confessed he was Nezha and was the "final form" of the vampires...
He said some rubbish and suddenly everything seemed to be resolved...
Can't remember what he said...
The next thing I knew... I was already awake and drained... Too many happening dreams...

Arigatou

Just want to say a BIG THANK YOU to all my friends who have been helping me to get through this semester... The end is near! I can see it...
GOGOGO~
Gambarimasu!

...

I'm contented with the results I'm getting...
It's a good start... I wonder how long this can last? Haha!
We shall see...
Saman dance performance on Friday... Seriously freaking me out!
I still feel we are not ready yet...
Got arrowed to give a short speech before we start dancing, what luck...
Hope the teachers shower me with more marks... Hurhurhur!
I'm turning a sucker for marks... Survival of the fittest I guess... You don't act on it, you'll never have the opportunity to do any in future...
Back to study for gamelan quiz tomorrow!

Memories

Watching this makes me realise how Disney became deeply integral to my childhood... Those were the times whereby I'll watch Disney animations everyday...



Back to reality...

Lost Season 100

"HAIYA I DUNNO WHAT I'M FEELING NOW. I have never felt anything like this. Like I really just want this semester to end." (Eeyen, 2011)

I can totally relate myself to eeyen's situation.
The kind of incoherent feeling. It's suffocating me from the inside.
This kind of feeling sucks.
I'm having Sociology midterms tomorrow, but I couldn't care less(much?)...
I've looked through the notes over and over again... There's not really an answer... Nothing right or wrong in Sociology... It's how one argues to make his/her points sound and the way one creates a competitive advantage over others...
I don't have powerful English, I have 0 experience in essay writing...
I'm doing whatever I can to compensate for the shortfall...
The transition from Poly to Airforce to University came as a culture shock... I'm still trying to pick up the momentum amidst all the mess!
So used to the business way of tackling questions... Questions that are explicit... Questions taunting and screaming at me "EITHER YOU KNOW ME OR YOU DON'T!"
Marie once told me, "If you are a person who seeks physical answers, then Sociology is not for you..."
I feel as if I've did the wrong choice in choosing some of the modules...
That day's conversation in MacDonald's really felt like a slap on the face...
To me, it felt something like this... "WAKE UP! WHY ARE YOU TAKING MODULES THAT DOESN'T EVEN INTEREST YOU!"
It's as if I want this semester to end quickly before I can start anew and work towards what interests me...
I'm looking forward towards the next semester!
Japanese Studies, Japanese Language! HERE I COME!!!

Double-Barrel Problem On Ethnicity

I was compiling notes for Sociology mid-terms and happened to chance upon this article. Personally thought it was an awesome article!

By Richard Hartung

The Implications in Singapore (Part 2)

Rather than just making a choice based on family preferences, parents may actually decide that they need to take a variety of other considerations into account. And the change affects expatriates, too, since expatriates also need to register the race of their children who are born in Singapore and this decision can have a long-term effect for any children who end up staying here.

When new parents register their child’s birth at the Immigration & Checkpoints Authority (ICA), the first thing they’ll need to decide is which race to list first. As ICA explains it, “if the father is Indian-Chinese and the mother is Malay-German, the child’s race may be recorded as Indian-Chinese (follow father’s race), Malay-German (follow mother’s race), Indian-Malay, Indian-German, Malay-Chinese or Malay-Indian (combination of father’s and mother’s first component race).”

In the Singapore context, then, ‘race’ may in some cases refer to race, ethnicity or even nationality.

Once parents make that selection, it’s very clear how the child will be categorised. ICA says that “for relevant Government policies, such as the initial assignment to a mother-tongue language class in schools and the HDB’s Ethnic Integration Policy, the first component of a double-barrelled race will be used.”

It turns out that the decision can eventually affect the child throughout his or her life, since race is a factor in many aspects of public or social policy. And interestingly, anything other than Chinese, Malay or Indian may be categorised as “Other” for a number of the policies.

Mother tongue

One of the earliest times race will have a significant effect is when the child starts school. Students in Singapore schools must study a second language aside from English, called the Mother Tongue Language. The Ministry of Education says that “our Mother Tongue Language policy requires all students who are Singaporeans or Singapore Permanent Residents to study their respective official Mother Tongue Language: Chinese, Malay and Tamil.”

So for instance, while Mandarin may be more widely used, by the sheer fact of a majority Chinese Singaporean population, parents may consider other languages easier to learn. When selecting which race to list first, parents may then also consider whether their child should study the more prevalent language in the region or a potentially easier one where they could gain higher academic marks.

The effect on housing

Another place where race makes a difference is in housing. The Housing Development Board (HDB) has an Ethnic Integration Policy (EIP) that is designed to “promote racial integration and harmony” and to “prevent the formation of racial enclaves by ensuring a balanced ethnic mix among the various ethnic communities living in public housing estates.” The policy sets maximum percentages for Chinese, Malays, Indians and Other races in each HDB block and neighborhood. Once an area reaches its quota, more sales to that race are not allowed.

Which race is listed first could then eventually affect where the children can buy an HDB flat and the price for it. As Yolanda Chin and Norman Vasu wrote in RSIS Commentaries, “for the minorities, a common grouse is that they have a depressed resale market in demographically Chinese dominant Singapore” and Chinese “may have to turn down willing Chinese buyers.” Parents may then consider housing in deciding which race to list first.

The selection could have a bearing on opportunities in the military too. When a Malay was promoted to general in 2009, The Straits Times noted that “his promotion marks a milestone in Malays' efforts to be fully accepted in the military, a controversial issue ever since it was disclosed in 1987 that the SAF adopted a cautious approach in placing them in key positions.” While policies are changing, listing “Malay” first could be seen as having an effect on promotion in the armed forces.

The choice of race could even affect whether the child becomes prime minister. Section 39 of the Constitution requires that at least one member of each Group Representation Constituency (GRC) in Singapore belongs to either the Malay community or to the “Indian or other minority communities.” As far-fetched as this sounds, parents in effect could select a particular race could make it easier or harder for their child to participate in politics.

Along with schooling and housing and public service, there could well be other times when race matters, too.

It’s easy to say that considerations like housing or politics are so far in the future that they don’t matter. Yet the decision affects children from the age of seven when they enter Primary One on throughout their adult life.

Of course, the eventual effects of the new policy may not actually be seen for decades. ICA allows Singaporeans to change their race twice, once before they reach 21 and once after they turn 21.

What’s perhaps most surprising is how many effects a seemingly simple change can have when one digs just a little below the surface.

Wished I was inside the video to watch this live~