thoughts

as much as I refuse to admit.
我真的很在乎别人对我的想法。
even if it's one small comment.
that being said, am feeling abit feverish. hope a good sleep will get me back and bouncing.

note to self: you must not fall sick at this critical period of time. push on!

Realization

Pissed - Haven't used this word for a long time. After all the incidents that've happened in the past. I realised something about myself today. I no longer want to be the person I was anymore. The victim who always takes in all sorts of nonsense by himself and swallows it down on his own. The victim who gets put down easily by other people. The victim who easily gets emotional blackmailed by others. The victim who gets taken advantage of.

On Wednesday, I got accused for something I have not even done. In the past, I would probably close one eye and let things pass, but not yesterday. I lashed back at my friend. I realized I wasn't looking for an apology. But the fact that I can't let myself take in nonsense which I don't think I deserve in the first place. On Thursday, I got stood up by my friend. I'm not pissed at the fact that I got stood up. But the fact that I'm being treated like a fool, waiting for someone only to know that a free ride back home seems to be more important than keeping an appointment. Likewise, I didn't let this incident pass by without expressing how I felt.

This is so unlike me. I seemed to have created a protective mechanism subconsciously. Perhaps it's age catching up on me or perhaps I've suffered too much shit in the past resulting in me getting less and less tolerant over stuffs that get on my nerves. What a bad way to end my school week. I need to focus on work tomorrow, audit is nearing!

I Wear Black Glasses!

Sorry for neglecting this blog. Have been super busy with school work. A little song for everyone who loves to wear black glasses! :)  <3 Angela Aki!



                                

someone to raise me up?

Less than 30 days to Esplanade performance. I'm so dead! I want to put up a good solo for my friends but I don't know if I can make it this time. Really have no time to practice! "You Raise Me Up" isn't a very hard piece to play. But then again, I don't have the stamina and skills that I used to have in the past. Let's just hope everything will turn out fine. Even though I've performed a couple of solos in the past, the stress and anxiety still gets into me. Trying very hard to loosen up that stress and "tightness" in the tone quality when you see everyone staring at you as you perform. *Sigh* Guess only performers will understand my feeling. :(

Pets & Me

I have a very weak defense against cute little things. It has always been an issue. And today, I bumped into this pure white breed cat. It was so cute and pretty! My heart immediately melted when it started following me back home. I couldn't help but snapped pictures of this cute little ball of fur.

This little incident reminded me why I can't have pets. These little beings generally have a shorter life span and I can't stand the fact that I have to experience "departure" when their time is up. Devastating. Having to experience someone leaving is already painful, much less death.

I still remembered my relatives leaving their doggie in my family for 2 weeks while they were on a trip. My defenses towards the doggie were kept high at all times despite its intelligence and adorability. I ensured that I maintained minimal interaction with it while I was at home. My mum took care of it even though she was afraid of dogs. I guessed she managed to overcome her fear in that short span of time. I remembered how it wagged its tail whenever I came back home. It always exuded exuberance and those eyes, let's not even go there...

I was taken aback and my defenses were a little shaken whenever it did that. But I was rational enough to do what I think was "right" at that point of time. Those 2 weeks were rather surreal. Honestly, I felt a tinge of sadness when it left our family. I purposely kept myself in the room and never said goodbye to it. Couldn't imagine how sad I would be if I started to develop feelings for it.

And later on, I realised my relatives sent that doggie away because they couldn't commit. I was rather furious when I heard the news. If they can't take care of it, why bother to bring it home in the first place? Bunch of irresponsible people.

Doggie, I wonder where are you now?

Stop using those eyes to stare at me! Shooooo~~~ >_<

Goodbye Holidays

School's starting next Monday and I asked myself this question... "Did I truly enjoy those moments?" I supposed I did. I really hoped the holidays were a tad longer though. I still have many things I want to do. Nevertheless, I'm grateful I was able to meet up with some of my close friends. Lots of thoughts hovering in my mind and sometimes, words are just not a good medium to express them. Penning down these thoughts might seem to be too great a deal. I shall leave this tumultuous task to my memory doing the 'saving'. Just let me enjoy the last few days happily. No nonsense, no nothing. Period.

koko

And that's where the heart lies...