Being Ignorant

I'm always ignorant when its comes to other people's issue... to put it bluntly, I know nothing... Even if you yourself know that its about not doing it again, not making the same mistakes, how many chances will you be given from people telling you mercifully not to make the same mistakes again when you yourself already know what's done cannot be undone?

So what if there's regret? So what if there's resentment? Is there a definite answer to this? I've already made enough mistakes...

Emptiness... Abyss...

Well, there's a saying that people get pessimistic at night... and true it is.... I always felt vulnerable at night... Many thoughts lay deep intact in my mind as if there were no control... My mind seems to be "spearing" into different thousands of directions pondering on things that doesn't provide me with an answer... I don't know why I felt this way... Perhaps the holidays have kept me idle thinking on nonsensical stuff...

Sometimes, I just felt like a fool... Why can't I just let myself free from my thoughts as it were never belonged to me? Why??? Why can't I be a "replica" of myself looking at the real me in other people's perspective? The other "me", the "replica" that possesses different attributes, thoughts and behaviour...

My complex thoughts often result me in late night sleeps... I realised that I am someone who hardly gets satisfied... Greedy you may say... I always felt empty when I got hold of something I've longed for... perhaps it was the process of attaining the specific item that seemed so "endearing" and intriguing... The ecstasy that leads to the rush of my adrenaline... the thrill... the surge of aroused feelings... Well... am I being a bitch...

I must learnt to get through my negativity... I hate the negative me... "You can't have the best of both ends of the world," Tirmidzi's words sure is enlightening... Guess I have to work towards obtaining a relaxed soul and a calm mind...