~~The Usual Walk With Damien Home~~

Walking home with Damien has always been something I enjoy ever since I started becoming good friends with him... Now to actually remember how we got to interact with each other on the first time makes me want to laugh... haha... It all started when I was still new in the outlet... One day, when I was working closing... Clearing the garbage bag was a usual thing I often did... I was very enthusiastic at that time and volunteered to help the kitchen staff to clear the garbage bag too... Damien was working closing at that time... though the garbage bag was very big... I still argued with him to give me the damn bag... After much persuation, he finally gave up and allowed me throw the bag... When I came back, he felt uneasy and bad for letting me to throw the BIG garbage bag but I told him I requested it in the first place... and so it goes on...Soon, we began to talk to each other ever since that fateful day...

Today is an eventful day for me, getting to know Amin's leaving wasn't a very good start for my day... The heart-to-heart talks with Damien just aggravated my feelings... I was feeling rock bottom after that... Damien came to S'pore for a purpose... I shan't disclose anything personal to him... but as I talk to him about his past... trying to console him... the worse I felt... Damien try to keep it cool when we touched on sensitive topics... He always laughed out and tried to make jokes when atmosphere turns tense... But I certainly brought out the anger that always seclude inside him... He was already thrusting his fist onto a pillar as we strolled around Suntec... I could see his eyes welling with tears though it didn't came out... that moment was really heart-wrenching for me... I told him how I felt... I said the more he laugh and smile, the worse I felt... seeing my good friend in turmoil and I couldn't do anything made me feel so helpless... Damien once told me this in chinese, '' A person that always puts on a smile too suffers from several setbacks in life... '' The 5 hour talk with Damien was certainly an enriching one... Although Sophia was just beside us with her friend for the first half... We felt like we were in each others world... though we still talk frequently...

As I parted with Damien after that, I took the MRT back home... during the trip, I send a text and told him never to give up... after that... I tried reading my comic but I gave up after one page... I couldn't focus... I tried to sleep but was useless... too much stuffs was in my mind!!! the trip has never felt this long before... the 45 minutes trip seem like a day... I stared into space during the trip... it seemed so dull... Now to recall... I couldn't even remember how I walked home from Admiralty... seriously... NOTHING!!!!

But anyway, Damien replied my text and say he will live his life to the fullest... that really put a load off my mind... At 1am, he sent this... I supposed he sent to alot of people too but I find it meaningful...
Its written in chinese... I shall do the translation:-

Let the wind blow away your sadness
Let the sunshine shower you with warmth
Let the rain wash away all your troubles
Let the moonlight reward you with contentment
Let love bring you blessings
Let friendship give you bliss
Let my message transmit you with the most cheerful smile

Having said this... I'm glad that everything didn't turn out as bad as it seems... just hope he has the courage to do what he wants to do.....
Guess I MAYBE seeing Damien for the last few months... hope he can stay in S'pore longer... (reminder to Emily- please don't speak a word to anyone about the probability of Damien not staying in S'pore anymore... Thanks... And also the existence of my blog... I want to keep this as personal as possible...)

Hmm.... I guess I should write off now... its already 3 in the morning... haiz... Band practices for tomorrow again... Boring~~~

One More Going Down....

As you can see from the title... Writing the summary for today doesn't really bring any good prospect to what I'm suppose to say or feel later on...

Having not work for 3 days really made me feel so awkward... A sudden urge felt against me to reach Raffles Place as soon as possible as I took the MRT... perhaps the urge to find out how was everyone doing for the past few days...

Upon reaching the outlet, I was relieve to see the familiar faces inside the outlet... Everyone was still there... talking, crapping and joking as usual... I talked to Tim about my schedule for Poly and we somehow made a clear understanding on the days I could work... As we continued, I realise Steve(Hamster) was talking to Amin at table 5A...

Something wasn't right, my instinct tells me so... After observing Erin's facial expression, I knew someone would be leaving soon... AGAIN... It didn't took me long to realise that the person was Amin when Tim was talking SO LOUDLY to Michael when I was beside them... having said this, a thought came up to me... '' You don't have to say so loudly for the whole world to know when I'm just beside you, I'm not transparent... you know?'' To somewhat end this ironic conversation... Tim actually said this to me, ''You never hear what I was talking...'' Duh!!!! Even the dead could hear what you were saying man....

When everyone in the outlet recieved the news of Amin's leaving... The outlet became so quiet... Everyone tried to laugh and joke... but the energy wasn't there... it feels like everyone was so tired... so restless already... I couldn't feel anything... simply plain, my mind was blank... perhaps all these partings have become a norm to me... Have they??? I'm not sure... I could no longer feel the atmosphere, no longer have the feelings of missing someone that you spent wonderful times with... I know I could get over with this parting stuffs soon... but its already damn sickening to get that kind of feelings in the first place... why does friends come and go so fast??? Does fate wants to prevent me on putting redundant feelings on people that I've known??? Perhaps the consolation I get was lesser pain & sadness... I guess... lol...

Anyway, I would like to voice out my gratitude towards Amin for training me all these months... Especially when it comes to doing Host...

I honour you, Amin
I honour you for what you are as a person...
Straight-forward, considerate, hilarious, perverted & caring....
Thanks for all the times when you cheer me up when I was down,
Making me laugh when I was unhappy,
Providing me with valuable lessons to be learnt in future life...
Thanks for everything... Amin... You are one GREAT Manager...
I'm so going to miss all your laughter, jokes & of course... the butt spankings... haha...

~~My New Idol~~New Craze, Forgotton ''Deity''

Saw the picture on the left??? Yup... No doubt his my idol... His name is 池振熙... I just recently finished watching 大长今... An awesome show... story which is wonderfully designed & plotted... twists comes in perfectly in the right time... So perfect... No wonder it has brought craze in several countries like Korea, Hong Kong, China, Malaysia and now Singapore... which is kind of lack... the show was filmed bout a six months ago??? Finally it came to S'pore... craze always comes last when it comes to foreign TV shows bought by S'pore...

Some of my friends say that the show were only mend for aunties to watch... but the show actually proved them wrong when they got hooked by it themselves... lol...

I seldom ''worship'' celebrities because I know its almost impossible for a fan to get ''hooked up'' with the idol they idolise... but having the hobby to watch your favourites act & sing actually brings moments of enjoyment when your life seems completely blunt, boring and colourless... thats when the magic of celebrities strikes!!! At the period of vulnerability, they fill you with superficial contentment... YUP... & I mean SUPERFICIAL... as time goes by... the craze goes down... & a new cycle starts... it goes on & on... Its part and parcel of life I would say... but its rather fun though... hehe...

Having said all this... I'm still an ardent fan in Pops when it comes to Ayumi & Whitney... To me... their songs are simply the best and unforgettable... Just love it... One of my favourite MVs is Whitney Houston & Cece Winans ''Count on Me'' from ''Waiting to Exhale'' Soundtrack... The MV is so touching... always gives me the surge of overwhelming feelings... and so are the lyrics...

This is how it goes :-
Count on me through thick and thin
A friendship that will never end
When you are weak
I will be strong
Helping you to carry on
Call on me, I will be there
Don't be afraid
Please believe me when I say
Count on...

I can see it's hurting you
I can feel your pain
It's hard to see the sunshine through the rain
I know sometimes it seems as if
It's never gonna end
But you'll get through it
Just don't give in cause you can

Chorus:
Count on me (mm) through thick and thin
A friendship that will never end (ah)
When you are weak
I will be strong
Helping you to carry on
Call on me, I will be there
Don't be afraid
Please believe me when I say
Count on...You can count on me

Oh yes you can (ah)
Oo, I know sometimes it seems as if
We're standing all alone
But we'll get through it
Cuz love won't let us fall

Chorus:
Count on me (count on me, i'll be there) through thick and thin
A friendship that will never end
When you are weak
I will be strong (I'll be strong)
Helping you to carry on (yes, you know)
Call on me, I will be there
Don't be afraid
Please believe me when I say
Count on...
Count on...

There's a place inside all of us
Where our faith in love begins
You should reach to find the truth in love
The answers' there within,
ohI know that life can make you feel
It's much harder than it really is
But we'll get through it (we'll get through it)
(Just) Just (don't) don't give in (oh)

Chorus:
Count on me (count on me) through thick and thin
A friendship that will never end (it'll never end)
When you are weak (you)
I will be strong (I will be strong)
Helping you to carry on
Call on me, I will be there
Don't be afraid (don't be afraid now)
Please believe me when I say
Count on
Count on
Count on
Count on
Count on
Count on me
Oh yes you can
I know I can
Yes you can
Well
So glad I can, count on me

Hmm... guess I'll turn in for the night... its late... gotta go to work tomorrow and have a long walk with Damien after work again... Really enjoy the long stroll... :)

~~Separation Really Is Inevitable~~ * Priorities In Life *

Its been some time since I updated my last blog... Everything has been so packed & busy... Its been one week since another farewell of my dear friend Sharon in RX... Miss Sharon lots!!!! Feels like everyone is leaving... First is Brenda, then Abd ... now Sharon.... Everyone has decided their priorities in life & are waiting to experience what people say, ''A Whole New Beginning.''

Working in TCC for four months has been long yet short for me... Now to recall and look back at the past few events... We had SO much fun & laughter... Its was certainly an unforgettable experience... Now that poly is going to start...I must work hard and not to neglect my studies... Wouldn't want to put the money into waste now that I'm indebt with my uncle... Huge sum of money... Really hate to owe people a favour or whatever people would phrase it... So sick and tired of everything...

Recently, I had a talk with Meiling... and came to realise that there was still a problem yet to be solved between me & Vincent ever since the issue that happened last year... Everything was somewhat ''forced'' under circumstances and nothing could really do to help or recover it... Perhaps I was being practical at that time but what could have happened, had already happened... Its so hard to dig up the past that already seem so vague to me... Being defensive or what... I really wouldn't like to bring up what happened in the past... I'm actually sick and tired of everything... Could it be that I'm easily influenced and reacted what I feel under strained circumstances or perhaps different people I met in my life gave me something that I've never felt before... Someone who I could admire... learn and discover from... But am I in the wrong??? I totally have no idea...

''Setting priorites is not wrong, but never neglect your friends.'' This sentence hit me before I could even realise it... Did I really neglect them??? Perhaps I did in the past... but am I still doing it??? Or did it turn out the other way??? No matter what, I still spend time and make an effort to meet up with Vincent with my packed schedule... But did he ever make an effort to meet up with me??? Obsessed in the game of Maple Story... Or I would say in general, Online Games.... really kills a person... no matter is it your health, time or money... does Online Games really stands out as a more prior choice compared to spending time with friends??? Or is it a retribution for what I did for neglecting my friends in the past??? Lol... I seemed to be questioning myself all the time but never really able to find out the answer that satisfy me...

Back to what I was saying about setting priorities... RX may seemed a prior choice for me at this moment... but who could have helped??? Imagine going out for a chill with only one person most of the time...PRECISELY!!! 2 freaking pathetic people... do you think it's fun??? Sometimes, calling for a gathering seemed a daunting and excruciating task for me... (Climbing Mount Himalaya...) Even if you get everyone's ''agreement'' *after much persuation*, you might already be so tired that you don't even want to go out... (Reaching the peak of Mount Himalaya and fell after slipping over a protruding step that seemed strong on the outside but weak in the inside...) Witty selection deters on the satisfied outcome of one person...

I don't know whats with Vincent lately... He's becoming more lazy & unenthusiastic as before... I don't even know if he really has any family problems other than his dying grandfather and annoying grandmother... Could all this factors aggravate the main issue he is having??? Beats me... His family seems to be in an utter mess right now... I don't know how he is handling... Did maplestory turns out as one of the main sources for him to vent his unhappiness and stress??? Even if it is... Its is the worst choice among all... now what I can do is to wait for school starts so he could direct his unhappy energy on other stuffs... like schoolwork... I'm not good with consoling stuffs... neither am I clever enough to get something out from what a person is thinking but I'm good in listening... I can only wait for him to tell me what he has been going through...

Hai... I'm so tired after such a long essay.... In conclusion, no matter if my priorities have changed after the months... there is always a small group of special friends that will always remain important and unchanged in my heart... Its time I should sign off now... Till next time...

Bin
''When one door closes another opens, But often we look so long so regretfully upon the closed door that we fail to see the one that has opened for us.''