Convo

Haven't had any good conversations for awhile...
Sure had a good one this week...
Nice finding out traits of myself from other people...
Interesting...

Life

I seem to be living a life - the lives of others...
When I was young, I was living my parent's lives...
Other than the fond childhood memories, the rest of the time was spent meeting my parent's expectations...
I was brought up in an environment whereby comparison was classified as a "norm" in the family tree...
I hated every minute of studying, all I wanted to do was having fun doing the things I liked...
When comparison was placed between me and my cousins, mine was considered mediocre...
My pride took a toll with every comparison, every harsh comment made...
It hurts and it really did...
I ignored every criticism targeted at me and procrastinated...


Life moved on and I was held back...
Band was my everything back then...
I was living the life of my conductors...
The wonders of music was beautifully fabricated... My naive self sometimes envied the suave actions of a conductor directing the band...
Sadly, band was more complicated than its music...
There were misleads, misunderstandings, misuse and tons of conflicts...
Best friends became enemies, betrayal was common back then...
The music was clouded by nonsensical stuff like this...
I was so involved in the "politics" that none of the stuff mattered...
I graduated and work became an integral part of my life...
Work pulled me out from band and my life moved on again...


TCC was my first ever job... I remembered I was very motivated in the things I do...
Again, I was living the lives of others... I lived to impress my superiors...
For the course of the entire 2.5 years of working as a part-timer in TCC, I was never late, I never took any MCs or even backed off from work due to prior commitments... To think back, none mattered... Nobody cared... I got no raise with my pathetic pay (I was holding up a 2nd job at that time) and I left feeling nothing... No qualms nor compunction... However, I've made genuine friends which I have kept contact with up till today...


During my time in Poly, I was juggling between work and studies... I never had enough time for myself and slogged as hard as I could remember... Mondays to Saturdays were work work work work work and more work... Life was hard and I worked to pay off school fees... I was thankful with my 2nd job because it made me realised something... Local degree is imperative in order to survive in the current economy... Reality hit so hard when I see "lost" and "listless" students enrolling into the private institution I was working in... Their grades were not cut up for local universities and *viola* that's where they end up in... Towards the end of my Poly journey, I once again lived the life of others... I squeezed out every pathetic time of mine and spread it evenly to my friends... To think back, I've never really lived my own life... I can't possibly get back the lost time "wasted"...


Ironically, NS seems to lock down time restricting my schedules... Am I living my life? Not really... Because I'm sadly still living the lives of others... I talked to Nips just now... It makes me think if it's worth the while doing all this to get the likings of other people... To get acceptance...


Am I doing this because I don't want others to dislike me? I seriously don't know... I plucked up the courage and got the burden off of what's troubling me for months... But what's the point? I seem to still be doing things maybe other people don't even care... Maybe I should just stop trying to be the mister nice dumb guy everybody perceives me as...


And that's the life of Mr. Su signed, sealed and delivered sincerely to your doorsteps...

Crazy Week

the touch of a healing wind
the brush of an embracing warmth
the unsounded apprehension
the restricted solicitude

I can't stop laughing when 听~海哭的声音 was heard...
Guess that's one of the little things that will stay intact with me forever...

Going back to NYP with Nips later! Woot~!
We're so going to feast!
Reminiscing the past...

Opposition?

Which will you choose? Your logical sense of thinking or the 'voices' of your heart?

My motivation to keep moving on... :)

Dreams... Again

Yesterday's Dream

Rain

To see and hear rain falling, symbolizes forgiveness and grace. Falling rain is also a metaphor for tears, crying and sadness. Alternatively, rain symbolizes fertility and renewal. If you get wet from the rain, then it indicates cleaning from your troubles and problems.

To dream that you are watching the rain from a window, indicates that spiritual ideas and insights are being brought to your awareness. It may also symbolize fortune and love.

To hear rain tapping on the roof, denotes spiritual ideas coming to fruition in your mind.

Today's Dream

Worm

To see a worm in your dream, represents weakness, degradation, filth and general negativity. You have a very low opinion of yourself or of someone in your life. The dream may also relate to self-esteem issues or a skewed self image. Alternatively, dreaming of a worm may be a metaphor for someone who is untrustworthy or slick.

To dream that the worm is crawling on your body, indicates that you feel someone around you is taking advantage of you and feeding off your kind heartedness. (I did remember a worm crawling on me and it hurts... It was like it was leeching on me...)

Earthworm

To see an earthworm in your dream, indicates that you need to go deep into your unconscious in order to unearth your hidden feelings and desires. Alternatively, earthworms symbolize little things that can be beneficial for your growth and well-being. It also represents renewal. Perhaps you need to restore some aspect of yourself.

Problem is... I don't know what type of worm it was?
Apparently, dreammoods.com segments different types of worms; leads to different interpretations...

The Holiday

This has to be the BEST romantic comedy film I've ever watched!

There was a segment in the movie whereby Iris mentioned this to Miles, "because you're hoping you're wrong. And every time she does something that tells you she's no good, you ignore it. And every time she comes through and suprises you, she wins you over, and you lose that argument with yourself, that she's not for you."

WOW!

Expectations

every little comment irks me...
it irks me even more when expectations are placed at different levels...
i tell myself i should probably just let it go...
because whatever i do, there's nothing i can change...
i can't place a knife up one's throat, i can't force someone into submission...
i'm too tired to do anything...
i think i should just go to bed and stop thinking about it...
because nothing's going to change...
goodnight...

8th September

Angela Aki's 5th album =]
Can't wait for it to come!

初恋 - 奥華子

very meaningful lyrics...



あなたのことは何でも知ってると思ってた
不器用なことも　猫舌なことも　電話が苦手なことも

だけど私の知らないことが一つだけあったの
あなたがもう私のことを好きじゃないということ

いつからすれ違ってしまったのかな
どうして気付けなかったのかな
二人で過ごしたたくさんの思い出
これからもずっと一緒にいると思ってた

あなたは友達　今日から友達
もう二度と好きなんて言わないから
これ以上遠くに行かないで　もう見るだけでもかまわない
名前で呼んだりしないから　隣り歩いたりしないから
用事もないのに電話したりしないから
だからもう逢えないなんて言わないで　お願い

綺麗なものを見つけるとあなたにも見せたくて
すぐに写真撮る癖が　まだ今も消えないまま

歩き方やしゃべり方を真似して　バス停まで歩いた帰り道
小さなことですねたり怒ったりごめんね
もっと素直になれたら良かった

あなたの横顔　あなたの口癖
悔しいほど好きなままだから
これ以上遠くに行かないで　もう見るだけでもかまわない
友達でいいから　特別じゃなくていいから
あなたの前では泣いたりしないから
だからもう逢えないなんて言わないで　お願い

あなたは友達　今日から友達
そう自分に言い聞かせてみるよ
あなたが笑顔になる場所は
もう二人では行けない場所

桜並木を歩いて　海辺で花火見上げて
枯葉散る時も　真っ白な雪の日も
いつもあなたがいてくれた　それだけは忘れたくないよ
名前で呼んだりしないから　隣り歩いたりしないから
用事もないのに電話したりしないから
だからもうサヨナラなんて言わないで 　お願い

鄭秀文

-捨不得你-

是祝福　是埋怨　終需要面對
是歡笑　是淚水　自己心甘情願

2nd Window

I'm so glad I got through IPPT with all the sustained injury!
My thigh still hurt when I did SBJ...
I pushed so hard when I ran 2.4km...
I was a mad man out there...
Never regret doing it because I got my best ever timing... 10m29s
It's not a fantastic timing but I'm contented and am proud with myself... :)
No more IPPT for bin for now...

If You Don't Like It, Then Fuck It!

I wished you'd never existed...
You are a disgrace to the family...
You can fuck off for all I care...
I swear I will NEVER help you if anything happens in future...
You can rot and die on the streets...
Go get someone rich, I'm sure they will be able to cover all your expenses... :)
I'm not regretting what I'm saying...
Yes... Take it... It's a vow I'd made to myself...
You are the most disgusting person I've ever met...
Just the thought makes me puke...
Grostesque seems like an understatment for you...
CCB! I've never been so angry before...

Deep down inside, I knew my legs were giving way... My relentless effort to prevent the unimaginable has finally been realised... Yes... It's finally injured... I tear my thigh muscle during my 2nd IPPT window... It was rather bad... I broke into cold sweat for the first time and it felt terrible... The pain was so much to bear... Luckily the sharp pain died down when the MO gave me the painkillers... I so feel like running now... Looking at the current situation, I guess I'm stuck, ain't I?

Coincidence

Nips just brought coincidence to a new level... I'm still marvelling at this unusual 'phenomenon'... This is just sick...