Deception... Boredom

It feels weird to lie... I hate to lie when I could actually tell the truth... There's a badminton match organised by the class tomorrow but I actually told them I have something on even though I was free at that time... I couldn't tell them that I didn't felt like going, perhaps its to save trouble from all the commotion...

I couldn't find out why being myself in class seems impossible... Was I being cold towards them or did I choose to ostracize myself from other people? It seems tough to grasp the answer... My life seems to follow a ''strategic'' routine... classes starts, classes ends... heading back home... do my homework... turn in for the other day... The only days I anticpate are Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays... It is the only time where I seem to be myself... the crazy, talkative, sarcastic me...

I happen to saw a TV programme that relates to people that studying is the most enjoyable and pleasant thing a person could do in their early ages... Is it a propaganda? To me... it is... Its so bored to study... drowning myself with piles of heavy books that feels like tons... they are so DISGUSTING!!! I hate books... why does Singapore emphasize on the importance of education where there is so many things other people could actually excel in? In Singapore, it feels like everything is already planned before a birth of a child... you head to kindergarten, primary school, secondary school... Poly/JC/NAFA (parents wouldn't allow me to choose that) ... yup... so I only left with Poly as I have more freedom in there... Already half of a life-time is sacrificed for the sake of studying... What a waste if a person is unable to pass his or her exams...

I believe this quote that I have always seems to be true... ''Humans are wretched.'' Yes... I'm one of them... when I have a long holiday break... I'll wish to go back to school and study... when I go back to school... I'll wish I could have a long holiday break... Haha... this is the ironic part about humans... there's always a sense of ''urge'' to greediness... and when you get hold of the stuff you want... you'll regret of the opportunity cost... Why is there always regretment? WHY???

Talk about boredom... I'm really getting it... I'm so bored!!! How I wish I could get away from Singapore to appease my uncertainties!!! I need a getaway trip... soon... and I mean it!!!

~Birthday Eve~ * Birthday*

Birthday's over for me now... Had an enjoyable one... Celebrated with RX, my friends and my family of course... Actually received 3 cakes in total... and so many presents!!! Was actually quite amazed with that!!! One from RX, one from my friends and the other one from my brother... Now seeing the sight of cakes just makes me sick... hehe... The lovely Kaya cake from B.S.

Was really touched with the effort made by everyone... Really didn't wanted it to be something big for me coz I didn't mention it to anyone... Didn't know how to describe the feeling I had when RX took the cake out and sang the birthday song to me... I was shocked... I couldn't put down my smile at that time, just couldn't... Everyone was in a good mood at that time... So was our dear boss... It brings me to ponder how long has it been since I saw everyone did something together... At that point of time, It felt like everything was back together again... But I don't know if I'll have that feeling ever again... haiz... Nevertheless, I hope my wish goes to everyone... That is to stay happy no matter what... Stay strong...


Picture of me smurged with whipped cream... My boss cutting the cake... look so serious!!!

Left my work after that to visit Meiling's shop coz I'm going out for a pre-celebration with my friends... Had Seoul Garden and arcade after that... Played lots of games... There's one that tires me the most... '' Percussion Master '' Had to compete with 3 freaks on the game... They took turns to play which was a handicap match for me coz that game requires hand stamina... Despite the fact, I still kick their asses hard and humiliate them infront of everyone coz they can't even defeat one person... hohohohoho... and so the day for the eve of my birthday ends with quick summaration...

On my birthday, met Meiling for breakfast at Breeko with the rest of the company (Holland Village) Band practice after that... Tried on my new mouthpiece... Works wonders for me!!! Could do alot of things I couldn't do back at that time... Had a good practice too... coz I could blend with Justina ever since braces were attached to her... :) There came another surprise for me!!! Birthday cakes!!! haha... the band sang the birthday song for me!!!

I rushed back home to meet my parents for dinner... a kind of celebration coz its my mum's birthday too... haha... She gave birth to me on her birthday too... that makes the both of us celebrating together PLUS its mother's day ALSO!!! What more coincidence could you get other than THIS!!!

As we were waiting for the dish to be served... Damien called me from Malaysia just to wish me Happy Birthday... Was very touched at that time... It just made me realise that I had so many friends around me... Always there for me... After 5 minutes talk, we ended the call... Didn't really want to end the call coz I haven't talked to him for one week!!!

All those factors really brightened my day... There's nothing more I could expect from anyone for a Birthday... Went back home to rest... And there came ANOTHER!!!! FREAKING CAKE!!!! from my brother... NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How I wished I could faint at that time coz I couldn't have another bite after the heavy dinner... Luckily I was spared from the cake for tomorrow... Phew...

Guess that's the end of my birthday for the year... I shall write off now... :)

~Therapy~ *Plastic Friendship*

Hai... it feels so good to be free from school... I haven't really got the time for myself until today... Vesak Day! Went to eat Swensens with my parents for the.... FIRST time!!! lol... Seems really sad ya...

Went to really pamper myself for the first time ever since I started working half year ago... never got the chance to buy anything until today... Yup!!! Precisely!!! I went for retail therapy by myself... Spent about $100+ on a few piece of shirts, pants... and two shirts for Meiling too...

Its feels so wonderful to get away from NYP, my class... MOST OF THEM!!! Seriously, I dislike the class very much... its so meaningless to be in such a class whereby intelluctual level seems of different frequency... The way they talked... the imaturity within them... insensitive ppl... All kinds of shit you can find secludes in that damn freaking class. I couldn't be bothered with them... Everytime I stepped into class, I just kept quiet... Yup... quiet all the way... living in my own world filled with music. (Earpiece in my ear) I hope this year ends quickly so I could switched to a different class.

It feels so lonely going to school everyday... Every single moment, I would think of RX (the old staffs at the point whereby I first joined in + Ah wei) , my best friends... Yeah, I miss them, they are the only ones that remained true to themselves and to the others too... As for the freaking class, the friendship bonded that apparently seemed too strong too kindred to be true just disgust me... (Puke) Those ''friendship'' they have among themselves felt so plastic-ky, so transparent... Conflicts bound to happen in that group... Till then, I'll see how the group shatter into smaller groups, separate from each other... Not that I'm evil or something, its just that I hold a very strong belief whenever it comes to friendship... From the way they continue, friendship will fail inevitably...

I somehow regretted not going to Genting with Damien and Sisters... Didn't realise they chose such a good timing for a getaway... Guess they must be having fun right now. *Envy*

Guess there's nothing I could do right now, perhaps to continue on putting the ''mask'' infront of the people in the class. Working tomorrow, hope I could enjoy myself!!! As for now, I shall rot at home to do my homework... My life sucks terribly... I need something to brighten my life...

Breakaway... Shattered Into Pieces... Things that mended my wounds on the way... ~~Salvation~~

It has been weeks since I last blog... so many things or I would say shits has happen... To study again is another new challenge for me. Teaches me how to cope with my stress AGAIN.

Handling work and studies at the same time is still acceptable for the time being, just that its tiring though. Lots of stuffs has happen this few weeks, had steamboat with Damien, Yunz & Bren... Look for Amin at CNL, went for K-boxing after that, had lots of fun singing & chatting. Met new staffs e.g. Shawn & Starkey... both are nice guys... Still taking the same usual long walk with Damien every single chance I have,(It has become a distinct stress reliever for me) perhaps its the company that makes me feel this way.

Just hit one of my few rock bottoms lately, a friendship that could no longer carry on was to be abandon... I was talking on the phone with Meiling and had came to realise that I should let the friendship go... It has reached a point that both of us couldn't even understand what each of our minds were thinking. Too much... too much chances, excuses and forgiveness were given. Nothing could pillar this friendship any longer. Priorities have changed so did the common topics that we used to have... There's nothing left... perhaps the memories that still linger around. I couldn't describe what I was feeling at that time... just felt like a piece of shit...

Broke down into tears after that conversation, to make things worse, I finally get to see Sharon ever since our last BBQ session with my ''weeping'' face. Felt so bad that I couldn't really have a nice talk with her after we finally met. Too bothered by those idiotic stuffs... I really suck at that point of time, everyone in the outlet could see me crying... SHOCKED! that's what their expression told me. Tim came to console me asking if I want to talk things out but I wasn't listening to him at that time. I could only catch what he was trying to convey after he repeated his sentence 3 freaking times. I rejected his offer because I could neither talk or think at that point of time, in addition, when I create a shit, I don't want to pass it to other people and tell them to clear it for me because they too have their own problems and worries to settle. Nevertheless, I still appreciate Tim for showing me the concern that I really needed, not to miss out the rest of my RX staff. Went to change and cleanse away the thoughts that still bothers me and continue to concentrate on my work. (Was actually amazed that I could really do that.)

I stayed for the 2 hours of carpet cleaning and discussed certain issues regarding RX with Wati... we shared same sentiments about the recent changes in RX, that includes the staff, feelings of everyone and problems each of us are facing now. Certainly had an enriching talk, watching Wati trying her best to work out stuffs further than what it means of being a manager really made me admire and respect her more, not like someone (Chix Pat aka Crusty Curry Chicken Pattie)

After that, went to meet up with Damien. Sat down at one of the areas of Boat Quay where we could catch a nice view of the night lights and river. Talk to him about my problems, felt so much better after that. Went to eat with him at Bugis Hawker Centre, ate carrot cakes. I was staring at the plate of carrot cake using the fork to stir, couldn't seem to eat it up... sadness still lingers around me... It was then Damien saw my faceless expression and told me not to think anymore, he somehow talked some sense into me making me feel ''useful'' again. Went to check out the balloon floating and the busting bass heard from faraway for the pass few days walking back with him... came to realise that it was a rehearsal for the upcoming labour day celebration. Here's the picture...
We continued our walk till we parted at Little Indian... Took the MRT back home and saw my long bosom friend JunLong which I didn't seem to have any chances of meeting him at NYP, lost contact with him for so long and met him in such an awkward place and timing. Well, its all up to fate to decide... Had a non-stop talking session with him and exchanged contacts, hope I won't lose it this time.

Well, in conclusion, perhaps its not that bad after all, certain important people made me understand that I'm not alone, they made me feel appreciated of the things I've done. Thinking of the ''up-rooted'' friendship made me realise that its not the end, its part and parcel of life... I need to learn to live with it... every setback, every problems, every memories just made me who I am now, giving me the energy to continue what's left untouched on my journey to the end...

Haiz... I guess I'll end here... its 4 in the morning already... Night...