那些年

the movie really left a residual effect in me.
now i'm feeling incoherent.
I should probably turn in for the day.
things are happening too fast.
starting work tomorrow.

命苦也是一种约束

life

a constant struggle to live the life one endeavours
but in vain when one finds nothing more
in search of an everlasting love
till one finds death at the end of the road
ambivalence; but an euphemistic way of preventing one from getting hurt
deep "blues"; a subliminal expression to signify the resonance of the heart

When The Clock Striked 4.30pm

I know I still have one more paper left.
But I couldn't help but express the excitement I had after SN1101e ended.
Have to admit I have been rather slack these days. Oh Wells~
The test comprised of 3 sections, 3 questions allocated to each section and we were supposed to answer 1 question each. We were told to study at least 3 chapters for each section but lazy me, I did 2 chapters only.
I was kinda afraid to be caught in the situation whereby:-

1)Of the 2 chapters I studied, only 1 question came out
2)If (1) were to happen, I would have no choice but to do that question
3)What if I didn't know how to answer the only question I studied

That would kinda be a LPPL situation right?! Actually, I kinda gave up studying the day before the exam (technically it's the same day as the exam since I stopped studying at 2.30am). I had enough in remembering the names of the politicians, the prominent dates that were the turning points of the countries as well as their socio-political ideas.

No more Gandhi, no more Nehru, no more Jinnah, no more Ali Bhutto, no more Zia ul-Haq, no more Ziaur Rahman, no more Hari Singh, no more King Tribhuvan, no more Mayawati, no more Indira Gandhi, no more princely states, no more weird state/province names, no more Varna & Jati groups, no more Nepal, Sri Lanka, India, Pakistan & Bangladesh, no more federation to confederation, no more feudalism to secularism, no more riots and communal violence, no more weird pacts formed between the political leaders, no more comparison between India & China, no more Indian diaspora, no more Bollywood movies and the effects it had on the society, no more Muhajirs, Biharis, Sindhis & etc... NO MORE!!!

I'm just glad that I could do all 3 sections. But 3 essays in 2 hours is a tad insane. It's OVER and that's all it matters!
THANK ALL THE DEITIES IN THE HEAVEN! THANK YOU!

P.S. My 500th Post. I've come a long way haven't I?

悲しい気持ち (Just A Man In Love)

I remembered how this song accompanied me through my toughest times. It was on single-repeat mode for quite a long period of time. The fast-paced rhythms and bright tunes might have suggested happiness and liveliness but it is not true. The lyrics are rather sad...

夏の女神に 最後の kissを
抱き合うたび溶けそうな瞬間にお別れoh
夢で逢えたら あの日に帰ろう
夜空に舞う星に 願いをこめて
Just a man in love Ohyeah.
涙に濡れて
Just a man in love Ohyeah.
心に咲く花は君の香り

やがて誰かと 恋におちても
胸に残る言葉は 消えないままに
泣くのはやめて 愛しい女性よ
君のことを今も 忘れられない
Just a man in love Ohyeah.
悲しみの My Heart
Just a man in love Ohyeah.
愛されたあの頃が 遠ざかる

Anyone would be holdin' on.
夏は終り 夜風に身を病んで
I won't lose if I just have you.
いついつまでも君は My sweet babe.

Just a man in love Oh yeah.
涙に濡れて
Just a man in love Oh yeah.
悲しみの My Heart
Wow Wow Wow.
Just a man in love Oh yeah.
またいつか逢えたなら
Hold me close to you.

Perhaps having exam dates that's too widely spread may not be such a good idea after all. I'm getting more and more restless as the days go by. I should probably try to do something different, like watch a movie alone. It might not be such a bad idea after all.

I'm not lonely, I'm just alone.

Can't Remember

There's this childhood song that suddenly struck my mind and it has been sticking there since afternoon. I can't remember the title of the song. I tried to search for it online but to no avail. Any idea anyone?

The chorus is

开心开心真开心
开心开心大家开心

Bridesmaid

Finally! A FREAKING AWESOME movie!

Watch the movie and you'll know why I post this quote up. *meaningful*

Megan: You lost Lillian. You got another best friend sittin' right in front of you, if you'd notice! Huh? You can stop feeling sorry for yourself, okay? Cause I do not associate with people that blame the world for their problems. Cause you're your problem, Annie. And you're also your solution. Right? I mean that's...you get that?

P.S. Bored to tears. Can I don't study today? :)

You

There's always this thought that's been lingering in my mind all this while.
Since this exam period is making me bonkers, I don't mind hurting anyone, much less you.
Deep inside, I know you still check on this blog.
But give yourself a break and give me a freaking break.
I don't need your sympathy. It irks me just to look at your face and I was a fool in hopelessly falling for such a person like you.
Move on with your life.
Stop this hypocrisy, this pretense.
I think things were over when it did 3 years ago.
老天喜欢作弄人 and it's true. Of all places, I still have to bump into you from time to time.
You know this deep down inside you. So cut yourself some slack and stop pretending.
There's nothing left between us. Or rather there's nothing left between you and me.
Haha! How ironic, the word "and" appears to conjoin people together, but it stands as a wall between "you" and "me".
So let me say again, move on.
Get married, get promoted and live your perfect life.
I don't wish to see you.
I hope you see this, remove yourself from my life.
And that's my prerogative.

Worst

I officially declare this as my worst study period ever.
It can't get anymore screwed up than this.

Fuck Me

I don't understand.
I feel offended or even insulted when certain people tell me they have problems and expect me to solve it for them.
After hearing your problems, I seriously think I have a huge threshold for stress.
I always assume the role of a good brother by listening to your rants.
I don't mind if you don't ask how I'm doing because all you do is think about yourself.
All I need you to do is just stop rubbing salt into my wound.
Appreciate your god-sent life and live it to the fullest.
Fucking tell me you are suffering from insomnia because you don't know what to do about your life?
I probably should be suffering from severe depression by now.
The other thing that pissed me off was receiving a message from this "friend" of mine asking for something.
WOW! Did you even bother to say "Hi!"
Worse still, it was a mass sent message...
So I became one of the recievers of your mass-sent message eh?
Why don't you go fuck yourself?
We can't help but meet selfish people from time to time.
They undermined our efforts that were placed in the friendship but then again, they also taught us to cherish the ones who still bother to treat us like friends.
So you selfish people can just FUCK the hell out of my life.
Fucking pissed!

平井堅 - いとしき日々

社会奴

tension's rising
stress's overwhelming
screw's loosing
rain's depressing
and i'm not doing anything about it
why study for the sake of studying?
why are grades so important?
FUCK grades... I'm just going to try my best
things don't always go the way I want
so why bother?

something I learn from psychology
this is call "insight learning"
S.O.B

加油

Hey! I want you to be strong. I know you can do it.
It may be a hard time for you. It may disrupt your thoughts.
I know how it feels and I want you to know it is not the end of the world.
Brace yourself, nothing beats a positive mind.
For your own sake, for your 姨妈.
加油！我相信你能坚强。

When Darkness Befalls

This was taken in the afternoon.
As dark as it goes.

Raindrops

As I stood by the window
Watching the pouring rain
~Pitter Patter Pitter Patter~
Raindrops beating against the window rails
I reached my hand out
Letting some fall onto my hand
Tracing the motion of the raindrops
I grasped my hand only to see it seeping through

It felt warm
The sudden urge to stand in the rain
Hoping droplets of rain will wash my troubles away

On second thought, it might not be a good idea.
Seems like I'm about to catch a flu. :S

:(

I know I shouldn't be worrying too much but sometimes I just can't help it.
The other day when my friend told me about the car accident they had, my dad's colleague happened to encounter one too.
His colleague is currently lying in the hospital and the car is in no condition to be driven.
As my dad shares the same car with him, this would explicitly mean that my dad is unable to work for a period of time.
It has been 2 days and I must say it is REALLY awkward to see him around the house when he should be working instead.
Looking from a brighter side, it is great that he's resting after all the non-stop driving. However, the only thing that I see is 0 income entering the family.
I guess my family won't be able to survive if my dad wasn't working, then again... depending on my brother... hmmm... let's not even go there...
I just hate the fact that this semester isn't going as well as I thought it would be and things have to happen all at once.
Exams are coming and I'm trying to find a way to ignore all these troubles that I'm facing.
Sometimes, words of encouragement just won't suffice. Haha! I sound desperate. I need this semester to quickly end before I can start anew.

P.S. I'm grateful for the unexpected card done by you or else, I'll probably be tearing when I type this post. thankyou. life's not that bad. I've been through shittier ones...

Note to self: YOU CAN DO IT! STOP EMOING YOU STUPID IDIOT! GET OUT FROM THIS MESS AND STUDY THE HELL OUT OF THESE FUCKING BOOKS!

better to be a dinosaur

eeyen keeps saying I'm a dinosaur! RAWR~~~~

1st - I'm older
2nd - I listen to old songs
3rd - I'm JUST OLD!!! (I do have to admit this, way too old for university...)

But I guess it's not that bad since winson said he looked like BG Wong... *OUCH* LOL!

accidents

recieved news of my friends getting into a car accident. luckily non of them were hurt in the process.

car accidents made me recall the day on Chinese New Year whereby my family got into one. i wasn't involved in the accident because i was studying for my exams. when i recieved news of it, i was anxious... really anxious. well, imagine being alone while mishaps like these happen. you can't help but blow things out of proportion at that point of time. the last thing i wanted to do was being in the car with them. i'll rather die with them than having them leave me alone feeling miserable for the rest of my life.

life can really be a bitch... you never know what comes next.
it's best we don't 自作贱 since we don't live that long either.

Life As A Fairytale

Took a break from studies and went for a run.
How long has it been since I last ran? Probably close to a month?
I laid on the bench after the run. Did some crunches and collapsed onto the bench while my tummy continued to ache.
As I laid down, I stared at the moon...

My ipod shuffled to the OSTs of "Enchanted". I was enjoying "True Love's Kiss" whilst looking at the moon. It was almost full, almost. Lying at the exercise corner... alone. How rare is that. It was even more comforting and enjoying when the breeze whizzed through my face. For a moment, I thought I was living in a fairytale. Couldn't remember how long I laid there, but it was definitely revitalizing. Suddenly feel like playing "Enchanted" all over again for the upcoming Esplanade performance.



The thought of having an exam tomorrow sure spoils everything. Disenchantment.

Freshen Up

Cut my hair, brushed my teeth, shaved my moustache, cut my nails, did my bushy brows... I feel more sharp now... Look what uni has done to me... Time to study for Bahasa Indonesia...

My Life With Animes

I led quite a different life as compared to other kids when I was young...
Rarely went out to socialise as most of my time were spent watching animes...
My first anime was 偶像小英雄... I doubt anyone remembers this anime... It was also the first comic book I bought... I was 5 then...
There were several classics like Doraemon which I think everyone knows... So no point talking about it...
One epic childhood anime was 乱马½... I remembered it vividly because it was so funny! Was quite amazed when the Sociology lecturer used it as an example for gender studies... Haha!

There came 美少女战士... 1pm Saturday timeslot... *never forget* I was so drawn by the beautiful mahou bishoujos that I started drawing them everyday... My passion for drawing grew from there...

When the first season of 美少女战士 ended, 七龙珠 replaced it... Still remembered how one freaking fighting competition can last for approximately 30 episodes... The characters can freaking take 10 minutes to execute their most powerful move HA-ME-HA-ME-HAAAAAA~ So crazy! But I liked it anyways! The slow pace in the cartoon seemed to effectively build the climax when it finally peaked... 1.30pm was 十二生肖守护神... I'm sure you guys have a rough idea what it is right? Does these characters ring a bell to you?

七龙珠 ended and was replaced with 宇宙小毛球... It was a cute anime... Loved the 3rd ending song! Used to sing with it all the time... I only recently found this song... Was so happy when some kind hearted soul uploaded this on youtube... There was also Slamdunk! The most awesome basketball anime ever with AWESOME theme songs!



When I was in Primary 4, I had afternoon school... Enjoyed sleeping late... At that time, my favourite anime was Saber Marionette... Dolls with special abilities to fight... Haha! This anime was shown in a very weird timeslot... 12am... yes... midnight... I didn't know why at that time... but later found out there were ecchi contents which resulted the anime to be broadcasted on such weird timeslot...

There were also めぞん一刻 & Orange Road... Animes that were more down to earth and relevant to romance... These two animes are quite sentimental and emotional... Some scenes were rather sad...

烈火之炎 was a major breakthrough for action animes... It was first shown on Channel U in some lousy timeslot like 11.30am or something on the weekdays... I remembered recording it everyday using the ancient VCR, it was freaking troublesome... :s I loved it anyway...

When I grew slightly older, these animes were not sufficient enough to satisfy my cravings... I yearned for more... I resorted to buying more and more animes and this marked the 2nd chapter of my anime life...

The first anime I bought was 花より男子... If you guys don't know what this is... It's meteor garden... I was rather put off by the live action remake of 花より男子 because it did not fully portray the fantasy the anime... Some shows are best left untouched... The second anime was One Piece... Well... I bought it when I was Primary 5... Need I say how epic this anime was? It is still one of the top few animes in Japan... Third anime was Slayers! Still my favourite... I have all the songs and VCDs... Naga's laughter is the BEST! No laughter can get any infectious than this!



Lina's Infamous Dragon Slave!



Then there was Fushigi Yuugi! I spent hundreds buying this! The mix of friendship, betrayal, romance, fantasy and action... Everything combined into one anime! I remembered chionging this anime like some madman! Once you start, you can't stop... It topped the charts for Japan in the late 1990s... Better than Dragonball GT...



Gatekeepers next... Very interesting concept I must say... The song is freaking nice! You can open the gate~ Loved their fighting scenes!



To be continued...

Omen

I didn't know my blog had the power to attract people who may know of my brother's existence...
This woman left a message on my blog and later, on my facebook as well...
I wonder what this means... I'm feeling incoherent about this...
I hope it's not something bad...
My hands are already full...
That son of a bitch better don't mess with my life...
I already had enough of his nonsense...

Why am I feeling so uncertain about this...
Am I going to find out something I don't wish to know?

move on

okie... after 2 days of lousy mood + attitude...
it's time to move on...
thanks to my friends who tried to console me...
really appreciate it...
thank you

don't rain on my parade

just when I thought my day was bad enough, it got even worse...
thank you very much... i appreciate it alot...

you know the kind of feeling?
knowing you screwed up but you still continue to live in denial hoping things will turn for the better...
it just gets worse isn't it?
is there a book on "lowering expectations for dummies"?
as much as i try to be less hard up on grades in university...
it still spoils my mood whenever i get shitty results...
i hate this kind of feeling...
it sucks...
i hate to keep negative feelings bottled up...
i need to shout, i need to scream, i need to destroy, i need to tear, i need out!
but sadly, i can't...